In Which I Get all Feminist on Everyone..or Why I Love SATC

I admit it. I love the whole Sex in the City franchise. I love the television show on HBO. I love the re-runs on the WB. I love the glitz and the NY glamour. I love the fantasy/sort of reality aspect of their combined lifestyles and of course, I love all of those amazing clothes.

And the shoes. Oh…the shoes. Every time someone watches SATC, Manalo Blahnik gets his wings.

SATC 2 premiered this weekend and the reviews have not been good. The box office however, was number one which tells me that like the first one, groups of women made an event of this film. I saw it last night, a Wednesday night, at a theater in which it was playing on four screens, and the one I was in was packed. I imagine the girls all gathered together, got dressed to go out, sipped some cosmos, checked out the guys at the bar and then headed to the theater to worship at the altar of Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha. I imagine a movie studio is quite happy.

But like all things that appeal to women, I see SATC being diminished and not valued. Even People asked when Samantha was going to stop dropping her panties and sleeping with every man she sees. Besides the inherent sexism in that comment, it seems that SATC gets to be pooh poohed and deemed not worthy because it’s something that women enjoy. It’s a story that is directed at, about, and appeals to, women. Not only is much of the buzz about the fashions presented and worn, but in the same way that fashion is a multi-billion dollar industry but gets dismissed as frilly and frivolous largely because it appeals to women (Read Robin Givhen’s amazing editorial in the Washington Post on this subject.)

SATC 2 is a total fantasy based on over the top fashion and a lifestyle that very few of us will ever realize and perhaps, very few of us even want to realize. But we still love it and think of those four women like our own sisters. SATC isn’t even a chick flick. It’s a chick flick squared. It’s a clit flick.

A clit flick celebrates women without making it about men. It’s not the sort of movie most men will go to, like a chick flick they might be dragged to on a date. I have a male friend who will only go to movies he deems “chick flicks” if he’s on a date.

Chick flicks are like foreplay to men. Clit flicks, on the other hand, are like a cold shower.

Why don’t we call movies like “Iron Man” or the upcoming release “The A Team” guy flicks? Those sorts of movies are total, undiluted fantasy, yet they are held up as worthy action-adventure that will break all box office records as men and their buddies flock to them. But they do not get labeled according to the gender they attract and they are not easily dismissed in such a derogatory way as “chick flick”. There’s another type of movie as typified by the upcoming “Killers”, coming out with Katherine Heigel and Ashton Kutcher. Yet another tale of a beautiful woman married to a gorgeous man who happens to have kept from his wife that he leads a secret life separate from her yet she will get pulled into it and together they go on an action-adventure with the wife sprouting womanly-reactions the entire time. “I can’t carry this gun in my waistband..it’s way too big.” Or the new Tom Cruise/Cameron Diaz flick that appears to be full of big car crashes, explosions and lots of gun (fore) play. We love the women to be either non-existent..or just beautiful and unaware and needing to be saved from the bad guys.

Perhaps that’s the definition of a true clit flick. “Thelma and Louise” was a clit flick. So was “Out of Africa”. Those female leads did not need to be rescued and in fact, if they did, they saved themselves. The SATC girls save themselves and as stated in SATC 2, know that ultimately it’s the girls themselves who know the real and right answers. Oh sure, Big came to Paris and swept Carrie away from Alexandre Petrovsky..but she was reaching that point on her own as well. At the end of the first SATC movie, Samantha actually left the guy in order to rescue herself. Could this be part of the reason why we flock so dramatically and loyally to them? How many of us, in living our day to day lives, feel we need to be rescued? Things can get bad from time to time but that’s typical of everyone. Do we ever really think we want someone else to rescue us from our own lives? Are any of us truly waiting for the proverbial prince on a white horse to fix our lives and make it all ok? Do we need to be rescued? We are TOLD that we need to be rescued constantly. Rescued from our big thighs and flabby bellies. Rescued from being single, from how we take care of our children, from our dry and unshiny hair and wrinkles. Women are supposed to need and want to be rescued and the SATC ladies manage to skirt the issue (pun intended) with flair, humor and a bit of panache. And in today’s world, panache is a welcome commodity.

Midwestern Girls Rock!

I have to let you all know about two new fabulous boutiques for us larger gals.

The first is located in my own state but up in the great north woods in Hibbing Minnesota.  Yes, that Hibbing.  Childhood home of Mr. Bob Dylan.  Gateway to the great Minnesota Iron Range (See movie  North Country).  Now, Hibbing is also home to the fabulous clothing boutique, Moxie!  In an environment where the biggest fashion statement is wearing a PINK fleece jacket, Moxie is bringing a stylish new world to the plus size gals of "up north"! 

I had the pleasure of meeting the owner, Suzanne, at a women's event at which I performed earlier this spring.  She presented a fashion show featuring clothing by XCVI, Alice Berry and Rebel Green (featured at the Fred Segal boutique in Hollywood.)  She is unabashedly passionate about putting stylish clothing into the hands of women who don't have as many choices as those of us with Nordstrom and Bloomingdales located in our back yards and for that I salute her.  I will make a point to stop in whenever I head up that way to visit my parents and I encourage you all to check out her website at:  http://www.moxieshoppe.com/.

Also just located, an adorable new boutique in Milwaukee, WI called Boutique Larrieux.  From their website, Boutique Larrieux is dedicated to providing high quality fashion tailored specifically for the plus size woman.  Lines they carry include Kiyonna, Brian Meester, Monif C., and eShakti.  Another great Midwestern choice for curvy, chic clothing!!  A road trip could be in the future for this woman.  http://boutiquelarrieux.com/index.php

That's NOT Entertainment

Sometimes I burn out.  I've been really burned out lately; tired of being a "Professional Fattie" if you will.  It takes so much energy to put yourself out there every day and attempt to speak your truth and speak up for the injustice you witness in this looks-obsessed world.  I get tired of trying to find the funny in a subject that is dead-serious.  Sometimes I just want to sink into a bubble bath, lock the world out and simply "be" for awhile.

But then I saw and heard two news stories yesterday that re-lit the fire underneath my size 22 butt and I feel the passion rekindling both to speak to my truth but to also encourage others to do the same and make no apologies.

First of all, in Michigan, a 20 year old woman has been given notice by her employer, Hooters, that she needs to lose weight.  According to Fox Detroit, the 20 year old wears a size XS shorts and tank top and Hooters is supposed to not have any weight requirements in their policies.  Nonetheless, the girl has been told that she has 30 days in which to lose weight or she and company will be parting ways.  Lucky her, they said they'd pay for a gym membership.  The girl has found an attorney and I had the pleasure of hearing her mother on the radio yesterday and let's just say, mom is on a righteous war path and I totally salute her.  (I did find it really wierd that she also said their family was super proud that one of their own was a Hooters girl.....  really?)  The mom was adamant in saying that this unrealistic judgement directed at women and their bodies was wrong and needed to stop and all I can say is that I hope she can continue speaking out with the passion I witnessed from her yesterday. 

Then, last night while channel surfing, I happened to catch Entertainment Tonight and a "daring expose" on celebrities bikini bodies and the horrible cellulite on some of them (note sarcasm here).  The story was tasteless and pointless and it makes me so sad that once again, people are sitting in absolute judgement on something so personal and for what?  What is the purpose behind this?  What is their intention?  It's the reason I have let go of my celebrity-watching, People Magazine reading habits.  I don't care who has cellulite....like the rest of the world, most of them probably have it.  And so what?  The fact that my thighs probably look similar to Meryl Streep's only means that I can relate to her as a real person, not some plastic-surgeried, botoxed, dieted-into-oblivion, robotic starlet. 

We have so much work to do in order to simply let people be who they are without judgement and condemnation.  Maybe it's like people who are super homophobic and public about their condemnation of gays, who subsequently are found to have five boy-toys stashed away in seedy motel rooms.  In other words, maybe we keep pointing the finger of judgement at other people so that we ourselves can turn the attention away from our own feelings and how we look at ourselves? 

To borrow from Oprah, here are some things I know for sure:

1.  Judging other people's bodies is not entertainment.
2.  Unrealistic expectations towards women's bodies will keep us in our place and obsessed with things that deny us full, joyful lives that are based on who we are as opposed to what we look like in a bikini or hooters tank top. 

Laughter. It Does a Person Good

Laughter is the best medicine.  If that doesn’t work, try pie.

Do you laugh every day? I grew up in a family with a lot of dysfunction, but we also had a lot of laughter. I take after the Maruska women and we have loud, hearty laughs.  As such, I laugh often and I laugh loud and I laugh proud. What a shock to realize that not everyone does this.  There are so many people who don't laugh on a regular basis and it breaks my heart. Don't they know that laughter is the best leveler and healer there is?  What better than sharing a laugh to put some perspective around something painful and difficult. And I don’t mean cracking jokes during an inappropriate time or situation. But how's this?  When I was 24 I had my tonsils out and nearly died.  Tres embarassing! I ended up on a respirator in intensive care for a few days and was very sick. Through the highly-medicated purple haze in which I existed for a few days, my father, who is notoriously tight with money, told me he would purchase my plane ticket for an upcoming trip I had planned to Texas to visit a friend.  When I was finally out of intensive care and the tubes were all removed from my mouth and nose, it's the first thing I had to tell mom.  Excitedly I said  “Dad told me he’d buy my plane ticket to Houston!"  I paused and continued. “Wow mom.  If my heart had stopped, I’ll bet I could’ve had that European vacation I’ve always dreamed of.”

Well, mom was none too pleased with this analogy, but I found it very amusing.  After all, you don't nearly get done in by your tonsils and not have to enjoy some sense of absurdity about it all.  My point is, it made what just happened to me more palatable and relatable.  And it also lent it some levity which was much needed by that point.  Humor saves me always and I encourage us all to bring it out when most needed.  Life is an absurd journey - laugh along the way!

Wear a Purple Dress

Life is not a series of “Before” and “After” photos. As such, just as I don’t believe in the depressing, sad “before” pic, I also do not believe in the stunningly beautiful everything-is-now-perfect “after” photo.
However, I do believe that life is one big “during.” That our "during" photo is the one that counts and the one that we should cultivate and grow and love completely. I also believe having a stunning “during” photo has nothing to do with what you weigh and the size or shape of your body.
It’s December 30, 2009 and I’m watching the Today show. One of the stories this morning is the annual People Magazine story that heralds “They’ve lost half their body weight” and many of those featured in the article are appearing on the air. Let me state for the record that I realize that losing half your body weight is an incredible feat and I know the work that went into it. They all lost a lot of weight by eating and exercising – not through fads or surgery and good for them. We each get to make our own decisions about what we do with and to our bodies.
What really hits me during this story is the "before" photos. They all show people wearing sloppy, unstylish,  oversized sweatshirts and sweatpants and sports jerseys, shapeless mom jeans, wrinkled t-shirts and sneakers. There is no one smiling in even one of the photos. They are the stereotypical images of what we think fat people should look like. Miserable and yeah, why would I not want to change if this is me living my life.  Here is the catch:  this is what the media shows us and this is what we buy into. We are not expected to be happy or stylish is we are large. 

Let me state for the record: I do not do sweatshirts.
As a contrast, one of the featured weight losers came onto the show in a stunning purple silk dress and heels. She looked really incredible and yet, I sat there completely pissed off because you know what? You can wear a purple dress when you weigh 150 pounds, but you can also wear a purple dress when you weigh 300 pounds.  What would happen if we changed the paradigm of what it means to take care of ourselves?  If you weigh 300 pounds, you may chose to try to eat and move in such a way as to lose weight and do it. But if you weigh 300 pounds and don’t lose weight, you can also wear a beautiful purple silk dress and heels and look amazing.  You can be more than a sloppy "before" picture. It makes me angry that more is not expected from us. That we are ghettoized and excused from anything stylish or good looking.
But what if we really challenge this?  What if we do not fit into that stereotypical "before" picture? What if instead we took ourselves into the world of style and fashion and embraced it? What if we knew we were beautiful without losing weight? What if we only wore clothes we loved and that we knew made us look amazing? What if we had a stylish haircut and manicure and left the house every morning knowing that we rocked our look?  What if we embraced that taking care of ourselves could mean more than losing weight and we chose to live each day as fully and passionately as possible? 

I started blogging because I love clothes. I am a fat woman and I love clothes. And with all my heart I believe that being fat and not falling into the fashion world's ideal of "acceptable" means that dressing with any sort of style or flair is a revolutionary act. After all, we are not expected to look good. We're fat. Aren't we supposed to be schlepping around in sloppy sweats because we're too lazy, fat, tired, ashamed, etc.. to even make an effort to look good?
My point is – doesn’t it all feed off itself? If I walk around wearing clothes I hate; ugly, big, baggy clothes, doesn’t it make sense that my sense of self esteem might just take a hit? It seems so simple. When I walk out the door wearing clothes I love and an outfit I know I look great it – it colors my entire day. I love being the best version of myself. 
 
I dare you.  Wear a purple dress today! 

Who Would you Take on your Ark?

Only I get to define who I am and how I move through the world. 

This is what I’ve learned from the comedy workshop I attended over the weekend. The panelists had very definite ideas about what constitutes being a comedian and what makes a successful comedy business. I know they speak from their own experience, which is really all we can each do. But I’m also very aware of the fact that I have taken a different path and that this is valid and what works for me. I am on my own journey and only I get to make those determinations and label what I am.

I am a comedian and motivational speaker. It’s where my passion and my heart lies. And, as Louie Anderson asked on Friday evening, if you could choose two people onto your Noah’s Ark of comedy, who would they be?

Here are some other questions to ponder:

What are the things I can do to better serve my own goals?
What are the activities that are going to feed my soul?
Who are the people I seek out for nurturing and love? How do I give back to these people like they give to me?
How can I maintain some healthy perspective?

Have a great day everyone.

If it's Wednesday I must be...

Today's blog title is purposely zen.  "If it's Wednesday, I must be." just as easily could read "If it's Saturday I must be."  Today I am simply being.  In the here.  In the now.  Part of this comes from a wonderful book I'm reading and working through that guides you through exercises and readings for a period of 37 days.  The premise is in discovering your passions and how you would live if you knew you had 37 days left on earth.  What would you do with those days and that time? 

Right now, I'm aware that I would be really bummed out that I would miss Spring, which is my very favorite season.  There is nothing better in Minnesota than that period of spring where everything is greening up and it thunderstorms for the first time.  Where everything is so fertile even the air smells green and fresh?  It's the best smell and best time of the year.  It's what makes winter melt away in our snow-ladden brains.  Winter?  What winter?  It's the same thing that happens when women give birth and they put the baby on your stomach for the first time.  Pain?  What pain?

Your question to ponder today is, what would I do with 37 days?  How does it place the rest of my life into perspective?  Am I following my passions and my heart or am I slogging along with no energy or enjoyment?  Do I love fully?  Am I present?  Do I laugh loud and long?  Do I do good things for others?  Do I act in a way that honors who I am and what I want? 

What would I want my last 37 days to look and feel like?