I did it. I broke down and bought THE fashion victim item of the season. Yes everyone. I bought my very own maxi-dress.
At first, I felt a bit "Kirstie Alley" in this dress. You never see her not pictured in one and in fact, they are her "uniform" according to a recent interview I read. She insinuates that they are for maximum coverage and a place for her to hide her body. She is full of self-hatred and I'm not going there. Quite the opposite in fact. I realized that when I wear this dress, as I did yesterday to the theater ("Grey Gardens" - amazing), I feel very feminine and...well, supple! It's very fashion-forward and sassy, yet super comfortable. I love how it flows around my legs as I walk and how it gives me some incredible, soft cleavage (something that has been hidden under wintery sweaters for far too long!) In short - it felt really great to wear, and I looked awesome as well. What's not to like.
It makes me think about how simply getting dressed is often a political statement when you are a large woman. So many women are like Kirstie Alley. We're supposed to be disgusted with ourselves and feel like we must hide the offending thighs or stomach, or entire person. That's why Kirstie is on the cover of magazines now berating herself so horribly. It's completely expected. But then we come along and totally throw a wrench into that entire plan. When you refuse to schlep around in worn out, ugly clothing and instead choose to honor your beautiful self by wearing only items you love and feel great in, someone, somewhere is thinking you have alot of nerve. Someone may say to you "you always manage to look nice" as an underhanded complement that serves to remind you how rare they consider it for someone of your size to manage to pull herself together in a way that doesn't scream "foraging in the woods for nuts and berries." Someone may think you're uppity or snobby. Someone may wonder why you go to the effort when you obviously should be focused on losing weight before you invest in nice clothes.
Someone...anyone..all of them..can kiss my Rachel Pally-wearing ass.
Whew. Now I am putting on my second most trendy item of the summer, gladiator sandals, and going for a walk!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Beauty At All Sizes
I'm feeling uncomfortable in my body today. Despite my best intentions of being self-assured and knowing that I am indeed beautiful just as I am, some days are easier than others. Today my back and knees hurt and the nagging voice in my head (one of many) is sure they would feel better if I was carrying less weight on my frame. When I was really walking last fall and had lost some weight quite naturally, I felt fantastic physically, better than I had in years. I also had a really healthy and sane balance of movement and eating. No deprivation, no dieting, and yet I was feeling really fit and happy with it all. So, my goal is to find my way back to that very healthy place. I know that it is not about a number on the scale or what someone else tells me I "should" weigh. It is what feels good to my body and I know what that is and will take care of myself to get to that empowering place again. And to love myself for who I am at all times!
I am going to Ely next week and will be fishing, hiking....sleeping in a tent! I want to feel good for this trip and am worried that my body will betray me in some way. That I won't be able to hike like I'd like to, or that I'll feel awkward getting in and out of the boat. But, I'm not going to let that stop me from this trip that I've been looking forward to for quite some time. For one thing, I get to spend time with my nephews Jake and Tyler and that alone makes it worth going! My friends can't quite believe I love to fish as I'm such a city girl, but I cannot wait to slip my line in the water off that dock and simply be in that beautiful forested wonderland of northern Minnesota. Are we lucky or what to be so close to that?
My posts have been spare lately and I promise to return with a vengance after my vacation! I encourage you to all check out Kate Harding's blog (link to the right) and her newly released book. And speaking of newly released books, my freind Brenda Elsagher's third book is coming out and she is having a signing party on May 29! More on that to follow! Happy reading and happy days off my friends!
I am going to Ely next week and will be fishing, hiking....sleeping in a tent! I want to feel good for this trip and am worried that my body will betray me in some way. That I won't be able to hike like I'd like to, or that I'll feel awkward getting in and out of the boat. But, I'm not going to let that stop me from this trip that I've been looking forward to for quite some time. For one thing, I get to spend time with my nephews Jake and Tyler and that alone makes it worth going! My friends can't quite believe I love to fish as I'm such a city girl, but I cannot wait to slip my line in the water off that dock and simply be in that beautiful forested wonderland of northern Minnesota. Are we lucky or what to be so close to that?
My posts have been spare lately and I promise to return with a vengance after my vacation! I encourage you to all check out Kate Harding's blog (link to the right) and her newly released book. And speaking of newly released books, my freind Brenda Elsagher's third book is coming out and she is having a signing party on May 29! More on that to follow! Happy reading and happy days off my friends!
Friday, May 1, 2009
No "Cheers" for Kirstie
" I was on Slim Fast for awhile. I would have a delicious shake for breakfast, another for lunch and a balanced meal for dinner. By then it would be 9 am." - Jodie Maruska
With great dismay, I watched Kirstie Alley go on Oprah yesterday to berate and hate herself for putting weight back on after her Jenny Craig endorsements and "disappointing all of the people she inspired." Argh! I can hear all the paparazzi and celeb watchers clucking their tongues while they call "over here fatso" when she's walking down the airport concourse. I can see Oprah cooing and commiserating over her own "failure" of weight gain and disappointment. I can see us all, women everywhere, slipping even further down the slope of self-hatred and bullying simply because we've put on some weight or have thighs that are not quite as small as we've been told they need to be in order for the earth to continue turning and gravity to keep us all from being flung into outer space.
Did you catch my sarcasm? Because that's the importance size has been given in women's lives (I can't speak to men.) We are never enough until we are less than and that's quite a conundrum. We are never to let down our guards and stray away from carrot sticks and celery. We are never to let ourselves be human and let our bodies fluctuate and put on weight, or lose weight slowly. God forbid, you just get happy and healthy with yourself and do things that feel good and nurturing to your body in attempt to be healthy as opposed to reaching a specific number on the scale. In the culture of "The Biggest Loser" there is no room for people who are not only fat but are only losing one pound a week versus 10 pounds or more. Didn't you know it's a contest and faster is better and super thin is best? We can never let ourselves simply "be" and embrace ourselves in all of our imperfect glory.
I feel badly for Kirstie. Not for the weight she's gained but for the crap she's heaping onto herself. I suppose that when you put yourself out there in such a public way, it's only fair to expect to be scrutinized, which begs the question, why put it out there so publicly? Why do we all feel like everyone needs, or wants, to know all of our personal business? Quite frankly, it is none of my business how much Kirstie weighs. Apparently, she even has some sort of diet plan that she wants to market and that's a sickness in and of itself so I'm not even going there. Just another place to spend hard-earned money in attempts to fill someones idea of what we are supposed to look like in order to be ok. Been there, done that, I think I'll pass.
So - Kirstie, instead of hating yourself and in turn, putting out a ton of negative energy out there, my wish for you is that you find some peace in your life. That you can love yourself for a myriad of reasons, even to include your body because it's still the house in which you live. Be kinder to yourself. Let's all be kinder to ourselves.
With great dismay, I watched Kirstie Alley go on Oprah yesterday to berate and hate herself for putting weight back on after her Jenny Craig endorsements and "disappointing all of the people she inspired." Argh! I can hear all the paparazzi and celeb watchers clucking their tongues while they call "over here fatso" when she's walking down the airport concourse. I can see Oprah cooing and commiserating over her own "failure" of weight gain and disappointment. I can see us all, women everywhere, slipping even further down the slope of self-hatred and bullying simply because we've put on some weight or have thighs that are not quite as small as we've been told they need to be in order for the earth to continue turning and gravity to keep us all from being flung into outer space.
Did you catch my sarcasm? Because that's the importance size has been given in women's lives (I can't speak to men.) We are never enough until we are less than and that's quite a conundrum. We are never to let down our guards and stray away from carrot sticks and celery. We are never to let ourselves be human and let our bodies fluctuate and put on weight, or lose weight slowly. God forbid, you just get happy and healthy with yourself and do things that feel good and nurturing to your body in attempt to be healthy as opposed to reaching a specific number on the scale. In the culture of "The Biggest Loser" there is no room for people who are not only fat but are only losing one pound a week versus 10 pounds or more. Didn't you know it's a contest and faster is better and super thin is best? We can never let ourselves simply "be" and embrace ourselves in all of our imperfect glory.
I feel badly for Kirstie. Not for the weight she's gained but for the crap she's heaping onto herself. I suppose that when you put yourself out there in such a public way, it's only fair to expect to be scrutinized, which begs the question, why put it out there so publicly? Why do we all feel like everyone needs, or wants, to know all of our personal business? Quite frankly, it is none of my business how much Kirstie weighs. Apparently, she even has some sort of diet plan that she wants to market and that's a sickness in and of itself so I'm not even going there. Just another place to spend hard-earned money in attempts to fill someones idea of what we are supposed to look like in order to be ok. Been there, done that, I think I'll pass.
So - Kirstie, instead of hating yourself and in turn, putting out a ton of negative energy out there, my wish for you is that you find some peace in your life. That you can love yourself for a myriad of reasons, even to include your body because it's still the house in which you live. Be kinder to yourself. Let's all be kinder to ourselves.
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