Wear a Purple Dress

Life is not a series of “Before” and “After” photos. As such, just as I don’t believe in the depressing, sad “before” pic, I also do not believe in the stunningly beautiful everything-is-now-perfect “after” photo.
However, I do believe that life is one big “during.” That our "during" photo is the one that counts and the one that we should cultivate and grow and love completely. I also believe having a stunning “during” photo has nothing to do with what you weigh and the size or shape of your body.
It’s December 30, 2009 and I’m watching the Today show. One of the stories this morning is the annual People Magazine story that heralds “They’ve lost half their body weight” and many of those featured in the article are appearing on the air. Let me state for the record that I realize that losing half your body weight is an incredible feat and I know the work that went into it. They all lost a lot of weight by eating and exercising – not through fads or surgery and good for them. We each get to make our own decisions about what we do with and to our bodies.
What really hits me during this story is the "before" photos. They all show people wearing sloppy, unstylish,  oversized sweatshirts and sweatpants and sports jerseys, shapeless mom jeans, wrinkled t-shirts and sneakers. There is no one smiling in even one of the photos. They are the stereotypical images of what we think fat people should look like. Miserable and yeah, why would I not want to change if this is me living my life.  Here is the catch:  this is what the media shows us and this is what we buy into. We are not expected to be happy or stylish is we are large. 

Let me state for the record: I do not do sweatshirts.
As a contrast, one of the featured weight losers came onto the show in a stunning purple silk dress and heels. She looked really incredible and yet, I sat there completely pissed off because you know what? You can wear a purple dress when you weigh 150 pounds, but you can also wear a purple dress when you weigh 300 pounds.  What would happen if we changed the paradigm of what it means to take care of ourselves?  If you weigh 300 pounds, you may chose to try to eat and move in such a way as to lose weight and do it. But if you weigh 300 pounds and don’t lose weight, you can also wear a beautiful purple silk dress and heels and look amazing.  You can be more than a sloppy "before" picture. It makes me angry that more is not expected from us. That we are ghettoized and excused from anything stylish or good looking.
But what if we really challenge this?  What if we do not fit into that stereotypical "before" picture? What if instead we took ourselves into the world of style and fashion and embraced it? What if we knew we were beautiful without losing weight? What if we only wore clothes we loved and that we knew made us look amazing? What if we had a stylish haircut and manicure and left the house every morning knowing that we rocked our look?  What if we embraced that taking care of ourselves could mean more than losing weight and we chose to live each day as fully and passionately as possible? 

I started blogging because I love clothes. I am a fat woman and I love clothes. And with all my heart I believe that being fat and not falling into the fashion world's ideal of "acceptable" means that dressing with any sort of style or flair is a revolutionary act. After all, we are not expected to look good. We're fat. Aren't we supposed to be schlepping around in sloppy sweats because we're too lazy, fat, tired, ashamed, etc.. to even make an effort to look good?
My point is – doesn’t it all feed off itself? If I walk around wearing clothes I hate; ugly, big, baggy clothes, doesn’t it make sense that my sense of self esteem might just take a hit? It seems so simple. When I walk out the door wearing clothes I love and an outfit I know I look great it – it colors my entire day. I love being the best version of myself. 
 
I dare you.  Wear a purple dress today! 

Who Would you Take on your Ark?

Only I get to define who I am and how I move through the world. 

This is what I’ve learned from the comedy workshop I attended over the weekend. The panelists had very definite ideas about what constitutes being a comedian and what makes a successful comedy business. I know they speak from their own experience, which is really all we can each do. But I’m also very aware of the fact that I have taken a different path and that this is valid and what works for me. I am on my own journey and only I get to make those determinations and label what I am.

I am a comedian and motivational speaker. It’s where my passion and my heart lies. And, as Louie Anderson asked on Friday evening, if you could choose two people onto your Noah’s Ark of comedy, who would they be?

Here are some other questions to ponder:

What are the things I can do to better serve my own goals?
What are the activities that are going to feed my soul?
Who are the people I seek out for nurturing and love? How do I give back to these people like they give to me?
How can I maintain some healthy perspective?

Have a great day everyone.

If it's Wednesday I must be...

Today's blog title is purposely zen.  "If it's Wednesday, I must be." just as easily could read "If it's Saturday I must be."  Today I am simply being.  In the here.  In the now.  Part of this comes from a wonderful book I'm reading and working through that guides you through exercises and readings for a period of 37 days.  The premise is in discovering your passions and how you would live if you knew you had 37 days left on earth.  What would you do with those days and that time? 

Right now, I'm aware that I would be really bummed out that I would miss Spring, which is my very favorite season.  There is nothing better in Minnesota than that period of spring where everything is greening up and it thunderstorms for the first time.  Where everything is so fertile even the air smells green and fresh?  It's the best smell and best time of the year.  It's what makes winter melt away in our snow-ladden brains.  Winter?  What winter?  It's the same thing that happens when women give birth and they put the baby on your stomach for the first time.  Pain?  What pain?

Your question to ponder today is, what would I do with 37 days?  How does it place the rest of my life into perspective?  Am I following my passions and my heart or am I slogging along with no energy or enjoyment?  Do I love fully?  Am I present?  Do I laugh loud and long?  Do I do good things for others?  Do I act in a way that honors who I am and what I want? 

What would I want my last 37 days to look and feel like? 

Pride in St. Cloud

A huge thank you to my friend, the incredibly funny diva Jason Schommer, for asking me to attend a fund raiser for the St. Cloud (MN) pride celebration last night.  We absolutely had a blast on stage and rocked the house at PJs and the pride celebrants in attendance!  Laughter really is the best medicine, especially when it occurs on a stage that includes a stripper pole.  My only regret was my outfit, which consisted of gray trousers that made me feel like Madonna in the "Express Yourself" video circa 1989.  No one wears a monacle quite like Madge. 

A Spring in My Step

Speak Softly but Carry a Big Handbag

I've been such a good girl.  Financially that is.  I have not bought a new handbag since late last summer when I purchased a black Kate Spade satchel to take on my NYC trip.  I told myself at the time "this bag is getting you through winter" and little did I know how prophetic that was.  When I lost my day job in November, I was thrown kicking and scheming into a new frugal reality and I learned two things:  I hate frugal and I hate reality!

But yesterday, as a Valentine's present to moi, I broke down and purchased the most lucious and glam bag.  Let's just say, not recieving a dozen red roses from someone special can certainly spur a girl to some impulsive moves in the name of self preservation!  The bag I purchases is GUESS by Marciano, which is a fashion-forward brand extension of Guess.  The photo above is the bag in red leather but mine is actually a soft, cushy heather gray suede.  This bag is not only big enough to carry my essentials (yes, I do carry bottles of Diet Coke in my handbag), but it's also a little bit rock star and a little bit Park Avenue society.  Or, since I'm from Minneapolis..it's a little bit Paisley Park and a little bit Edina Country Club!  Of course it has put me in a shopping mood so I had to pair it up with some fun new items for spring.  Trust me, it's coming..it really is!  B&Lu has some really cute new things (and a new look to their site), including the simple Inga dress pictured above.  I also found a pair of dream booties on the Piper Lime site.  I was a bit skeptical of the bootie craze and perhaps it's run it's course, but they are still showing them in droves for spring so what the Halson.  They're fun because you can wear a heel but as a platform, it saves your feet just a little! 

A note on handbag size.  While I was at the Mall of America yesterday, I observed many women of size carrying teeny tiny little handbags.  It's like they're carrying a Barbie Dream Purse.  Simply put, I'm a big girl and I carry a big bag.  It's all about proportion.  Handbags can be the easiest way to not only update your look, but bring your entire look together and the proportion is a big part of it. 

The dress pictured above is in grey and I threw in some black and white as well.  Color always starts popping with spring lines and I love the freshness of bright celedon and pink as well as the next person, but I also say - wear your favorite colors regardless of the season.  I don't wear pink no matter how hot it is because it not only does not look good on me, but I am a girl who loves and looks good in her darker colors and that's what I buy and what I wear no matter what.  If I feel the need for color, I pop on a gorgeous scarf or fabulous shoes.  A handbag is also a great way to change up the look as well and there are great colors out there for this spring, including beautiful blues that can even be worn as a neutral.  In fact, the navy Marc Jacobs bag below is going to be my next purchase (and that Anna Scholz top and the Ferrago flats aren't too shabby either!) 

Stiletto..After All These Years

Confucius say: Woman in winter boots with stiletto heels very foolish if living in Minnesota.

Did you know that in Minnesota, they sell winter boots with stiletto heels?

Aside from the fact that I relish the idea of “hurting” the snow as I walk through it wearing a nail thin pointy heel, the other side of me wonders in what weird alternate reality would winter boots with a stiletto be, well, sensible in Minnesota? Note – I realize this makes me sound like my mother and in this case, I am willing to live with that. In fact, I have been known to wear my "work" clothes all evening long and NOT changing into my "casual" clothes, so I have not totally and completely sold out to my mother's sensibilities.

To be honest, I have not seen any women walking through the copious amounts of snow and slush currently on the ground here in stiletto heeled winter boots. And look, I live in the heart of Minneapolis. This is the big Midwestern city. Where are these boots snow-bound fashionistas? Maybe outside the city proper, a stiletto boot is more apropos in a suburb like Edina where the housefraus’ can wear them as they discipline the help? Maybe those affluent suburban gals can wear them as they go from heated garage to heated parking ramp to heated charity event and back around again. But if that’s the case, why even wear the winter boot? Why not a cute sandal to show off the pedicure that still looks good from your trip to Martinique over New Year’s?

In Minnesota, true adulthood is not realized when you have a child. Oh no. Adulthood is a state of purchasing and wearing sensible and warm winter clothing, to include boots that not only keep you warm, but also dry. Cute looks are totally optional as you enter this phase of your life. It usually comes between the idealism of your 20’s and the bitter reality of your 50’s. This year I bought not only my first really great pair of winter boots I have ever owned but in an effort to be semi-fashionable, I bought my first pair of Uggs. The “so ugly they are adorable” boot starlets and fashion mavens discovered a few years ago, they are the boot version of the member’s only jacket, i.e., they never seem to go away. They practically double the square footage of my feet and what’s really exciting is that I’m quite sure I can also water ski on them this summer due to this wide width. They are warm and dry and lined with fleece. I love them but do NOT look like the throngs of younger women who wear their Uggs with tight tight jeans and plaid shirts like little lumberjack lolitas. Mine are black suede on the bottom with a knit shaft and a cute little ring of sheep fleece on the top. They are adorable but a little matronly. They are not hot. My friend David thinks the word “ugg” pretty much describes them actually. But I don’t care because I’m not afraid of slipping or of sloppy, slushy ponds of water as I cross the street to buy a new handbag that will never touch the snowy, salty mess we live in right now.

Back to the issue at hand. Stiletto heels on winter boots. I’m a stylish, fashion-loving gal. I wear heels that only cause pain largely only in my arches, because that’s the way it’s always been done. A winter (i.e., snow) boot with stiletto heels sounds like a broken hip waiting to happen and frankly, who needs that?