Happy New Year! It feels like just yesterday we were going to party like it's 1999 and suddenly its 2010. Whassuppppp with that!!!???
Like all good new year holidays, the media is awash in stories of great weight loss and the happiness that has ensued. This morning, the Today show featured People Magazine and some of the individuals who will be featured in annual "they've lost half their body weight" issue. The three people who had lost weight were shown in the usual dour-du-jour "before" pictures. They were wearing worn out sweatshirts and baggy t-shirts. Mom jeans seemed to the the norm. They were colorless, unkempt and unsmiling. The people pictured truly looked unhappy and why not? A baggy gray sweatshirt is the fashion equivalent to the Pinto. One wrong move and it blows up!
As Matt Lauer brought the weight loss people on to show them off in their new thin bodies, one of the women was wearing a cute purple silk dress with heels and yes, she looked awesome. But you know what? I wear cute dresses with high heels and I look awesome too. So do many large women who insist of wearing beautiful clothes and enjoying how they look. One of the other women who had lost weight said she loves knowing that people aren't looking at her any more. That at the grocery store she knew people were always looking at the food she was buying and now they wouldn't but she can watch other people look at large people and what they were buying. WTF? Why do we keep thinking it's ok that everyone stands in judgement of every move a fat person makes? Does it really even happen? Do people really have nothing better to do than watch what I'm putting into my basket at the grocery store?
Sigh. Bottom line is that the whole story was a reminder to me of how the media continually"sells" the idea that being fat is being dumpy and unhappy. And to be clear - I'm not telling anyone what they should or should not do. I'm just angry that we are sold the idea that we are defective because of our size and only able to achieve true happiness if we lose weight. They sell that so we buy diet plans and other items that have been repeatedly shown to be ineffective, yet....come and get it fat people! This diet, pill, exercise device, etc... is your great shining beacon in the darkness of ugly clothes and snoopy people at the grocery store! You'll lose weight (if only for awhile because we all know that diets don't work) and I'll make loads of money! And dammit, we have bought the idea. In fact, we continually buy it like we continually fill our tanks at the gas station. In this case however, instead of fuel, we are filling our tanks with self-hatred, sadness and judgement.
For the new year, I encourage us all to take back our choice and stop buying into someone elses idea of how we should look or be. The negative messages we hear only have power over us if we believe them and it's our choice to believe or not believe. What do you choose to believe? Do you really believe people have a right to stand in judgement of you and how you live your life simply because of your size? Do you really believe you cannot be happy just the way you are? Do you believe that only being thin leads to true happiness and fulfillment? Or would you rather believe that you are a divine human being worthy of autonomy, happiness, success, love and beauty no matter your size? I choose the later. No....I KNOW the later.
I'm also worthy of a great pair of black riding boots that fit my calves, but that's an entirely different post! First things first.
So I leave you with this simple thought to ponder as you celebrate the stat of a new year: What will fill you up in 2010?
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Fashion Orgasm
The highlight of my Christmas? The total fashion orgasm I got from watching the documentary Valentino - The Last Emperor, which I received as a gift. http://www.valentinomovie.com/#home
The jet-set lifestyle surrounded by the most gorgeous gowns and clothing imaginable as designer extraordinaire Valentino prepared one of his last collections was total eye candy and fantasy viewing. Valentino was petulant, genius, childish, brilliant, stubborn and very very tan! I recommend the movie to anyone with a love of fashion and style.
Saturday was the most enjoyable and lovely day as I attended an annual Boxing Day party with GGF and his partner Jim, along with various family and friends. I found have a talent for the drums as we played Guitar Hero to the Beatles and what a blast that was, especially after imbibing some wine and champagne. Great food was eaten, including my very favorite chocolate truffles wrapped in white chocolate. There was alot of laughter and love. Divine.
The low point of my Christmas? Having my father comment on my weight and tell me "You look pretty heavy...you should join the Y." And Merry Christmas to you too Dad. I thought we were beyond this conversation; I thought I had set that very firm boundary so many years ago after years of his comments. His comments towards me regarding my weight began even before I would have been considered overweight or fat. And even though I realize his intention is pure, it feels like an invasion on something that is so personal. It's really difficult and it set the tone for my entire Christmas with my family. That said, I tried to let it go and realize that it's his issue entirely. This is what makes accepting our bodies so damned difficult and my wish for the new year is that I continue to find peace and serenity around this issue along with so many people who struggle with body acceptance.
In the words of Valentino as he stormed unhappily out of a meeting: "bye-bye"!
The jet-set lifestyle surrounded by the most gorgeous gowns and clothing imaginable as designer extraordinaire Valentino prepared one of his last collections was total eye candy and fantasy viewing. Valentino was petulant, genius, childish, brilliant, stubborn and very very tan! I recommend the movie to anyone with a love of fashion and style.
Saturday was the most enjoyable and lovely day as I attended an annual Boxing Day party with GGF and his partner Jim, along with various family and friends. I found have a talent for the drums as we played Guitar Hero to the Beatles and what a blast that was, especially after imbibing some wine and champagne. Great food was eaten, including my very favorite chocolate truffles wrapped in white chocolate. There was alot of laughter and love. Divine.
The low point of my Christmas? Having my father comment on my weight and tell me "You look pretty heavy...you should join the Y." And Merry Christmas to you too Dad. I thought we were beyond this conversation; I thought I had set that very firm boundary so many years ago after years of his comments. His comments towards me regarding my weight began even before I would have been considered overweight or fat. And even though I realize his intention is pure, it feels like an invasion on something that is so personal. It's really difficult and it set the tone for my entire Christmas with my family. That said, I tried to let it go and realize that it's his issue entirely. This is what makes accepting our bodies so damned difficult and my wish for the new year is that I continue to find peace and serenity around this issue along with so many people who struggle with body acceptance.
In the words of Valentino as he stormed unhappily out of a meeting: "bye-bye"!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Went With the Funny
Early Comedy Memory. It’s a Saturday night in 1974 and the Maruska family is gathering together around the television. The golden child, my baby brother Paul, has probably been put down in his throne…I mean, crib. I loved my baby brother but he was clearly the favorite for my parents as evidenced on bath night when mom would say to me “why don’t you and your sister take your brother from his bath. Anoint his body with this scented oil and rose water and then lay him upon the alter we have built in his honor in the rec room. Then, you and your sister go upstairs, vacuum the living room, do the dishes and blacktop the driveway while your father and I worship at your brother’s feet and watch “The Jeffersons.”
By now it’s 8 pm and my sister is engrossed in making some jiffy pop popcorn, the total precursor to microwave popcorn in its glorious silver-bubble of greasy goodness that resulted from jerking an aluminum pan quickly across a hot burner while holding a metal handle. No liability involved in that idea. Come to think of it, in the 70’s, we also made pies by putting two slices of bread together and filling them with pie filling and then holding them in a roaring campfire barely an arms length away. It’s a wonder any of us survived.
At 7 pm on Saturday, my sister and I would have watched the exciting drama “Emergency” with it’s hunky young fire fighters and EMTs saving people involved in a variety of dramatic situations, many of them in canyons. I would go to sleep on Saturday nights fantasizing about finding myself in a horrible car accident in an unnamed canyon somewhere (Minnesota does not, as a general rule, have canyons but we do have some fairly large hills and wooded drop offs, often around lakes or rivers, so that would totally suffice for purposes of my fantasy.) The cute dark-haired fireman come to my rescue and then, through some bureaucratic snafu, end up adopting me and raising me as a single father who lets me hang out at the fire station as an unofficial mascot. This bedtime fantasy time would evolve at a later time to one of my parents divorcing and my being raised by two gay men. This particular fantasy has come the closest to actually coming true by the way.
But at 8 pm, the entire family hunkers down and comedy becomes the true star, first in the form of the Mary Tyler Moore show. While I probably always wanted to be Mary (what girl didn’t?) I always knew I would be more like a Rhoda (what girl isn’t?) A bit chubby, struggling with love, and living in a studio apartment while working a minimum wage job downtown. Ironically at the age of 46, Rhoda’s life is my life and I even have a gorgeous, stylish thin “Mary” in my life. His name is David.
At 8:30, the Bob Newhart show came on. Although I knew he couldn’t save his way out of any canyons, I loved Bob anyways. I especially loved the kicky theme song and the scene of him walking through Chicago on his way home to his high-rise apartment. I wonder if all of the 70’s sitcom focus on high-rises is largely why even today I crave the comfort and coziness of high-rise living. All the cool 70’s shows had people living in high-rises and that was the fantasy I took from this situation. No house in the burbs for this girl. In fact, when I lived in Chicago myself a few years ago, I had a studio apartment on the 28th floor of a highrise in the south loop that had a view of the Sears Tower, doormen and a small grocery story on the ground floor. I loved having the doorman hail me a cab and know that could easily have been Bob and Emily’s reality. I did not have sassy and funny neighbors however..that has yet to happen in any of my high-rise situations. I did once have a neighbor who would have sex with a very loud and enthusiastic woman in the summer when everyone’s sliding glass doors would be open, literally inviting making you an extra in their own private episode. I do not remember this ever happening on Bob Newhart.
But as a true 70’s television aficionado knows, the crowning hour was 9:00 and the Carol Burnett show. This was the show that mattered. My sister and I would lay on the floor in front of the tv – big bowls of jiffy pop and bottles of Tab by our side. Mom and dad would sit on the sofa and one of the brown corduroy Lay-Z-Boy recliners with their own big bowls of popcorn. Dad might have a cold beer but that was usually only when we had guests. And if we did have guests –they too would join us in the sacredness that was the Carol Burnett show. We laughed uproariously at the characters – our favorites being Tim Conway’s little old man and Carol’s Miss Wiggins in her skin tight pencil skirt and blonde curly wig. We loved when Tim made Harvey crack up and laugh, which is what we all knew we would be doing too. "How they keep a straight face I'll never know" my mother would often exclaim. We were on a first name basis with them by the way. Carol, Tim, Harvey and of course, Vicky and yes, even Lyle. I would run to the kitchen for more Tab or popcorn if the dancers were on – they did not interest me as much. But together, we would laugh at the family sketches, or share in the references of an old movie spoof. My dad would have tears running down his cheeks and we took special delight in laughing with him over the same things. It wasn't until I was an adult that I finally understood this comedy and laughter appeal. Simply put, it showed that we had something in common with our dad.
What’s that you say?
This was the true fantasy and the one thing at that age that we really could share with our dad. Sure, we shared with mom too, but there was more there to begin with. But dad worked all day, came home to tend to his gardens and go to bed and get up and do it all again. In the old-fashioned world of that time, he was the breadwinner and that was his focus. But he really relaxed on those Saturday nights. If it was a really great episode it may even result in Dad shouting "boy I sure could go for a DQ" and then we'd pile into his Rambler for a drive down to the Dairy Queen off Bellaire Avenue for ice cream. But laughter – shared laughter over a joke or a sketch – was the ultimate commonality on which we connected with our dad. And it didn’t stop there. We took great delight in telling stories or jokes we knew our dad would enjoy. At this point I can see that dad was (and is) sort of kooky. He was the kind of guy who could get onto the freeway, realize he had missed his exit, and simply drive through the grassy median and up onto the other side. At Christmas one year when we were all gathered in a circle opening gifts, he had received a set of steak knives and he threw one down to stick into the carpeting to see how sharp they were.
We all loved to laugh and you’d think some of us would not have minded being a bit out there and noticeable but my mother and sister loathed drawing attention to themselves. I missed that gene apparently and went so far as to become a stand up comic. Don't think the meaning is lost on me for a minute. In fact, I’ll never forget the first time my dad came to see me perform. I was at the Comedy Gallery in downtown Minneapolis and took to the stage in front of a fairly packed house. My set went well and I came to a joke I told about my dad, but which was actually based on something that a family friend used to say to us kids when we were young. I set the joke up by saying “My dad used to say to me..clean your plate, it will put hair on your chest.” As I paused before the punch line, my dad’s voice came through clearly for the entire audience to hear. “I never said that.” He got a bigger laugh than I did for that joke and you know what, he deserved it because he’s the one who gave me the gift of laughter and comedy in the first place, and that’s no fantasy.
By now it’s 8 pm and my sister is engrossed in making some jiffy pop popcorn, the total precursor to microwave popcorn in its glorious silver-bubble of greasy goodness that resulted from jerking an aluminum pan quickly across a hot burner while holding a metal handle. No liability involved in that idea. Come to think of it, in the 70’s, we also made pies by putting two slices of bread together and filling them with pie filling and then holding them in a roaring campfire barely an arms length away. It’s a wonder any of us survived.
At 7 pm on Saturday, my sister and I would have watched the exciting drama “Emergency” with it’s hunky young fire fighters and EMTs saving people involved in a variety of dramatic situations, many of them in canyons. I would go to sleep on Saturday nights fantasizing about finding myself in a horrible car accident in an unnamed canyon somewhere (Minnesota does not, as a general rule, have canyons but we do have some fairly large hills and wooded drop offs, often around lakes or rivers, so that would totally suffice for purposes of my fantasy.) The cute dark-haired fireman come to my rescue and then, through some bureaucratic snafu, end up adopting me and raising me as a single father who lets me hang out at the fire station as an unofficial mascot. This bedtime fantasy time would evolve at a later time to one of my parents divorcing and my being raised by two gay men. This particular fantasy has come the closest to actually coming true by the way.
But at 8 pm, the entire family hunkers down and comedy becomes the true star, first in the form of the Mary Tyler Moore show. While I probably always wanted to be Mary (what girl didn’t?) I always knew I would be more like a Rhoda (what girl isn’t?) A bit chubby, struggling with love, and living in a studio apartment while working a minimum wage job downtown. Ironically at the age of 46, Rhoda’s life is my life and I even have a gorgeous, stylish thin “Mary” in my life. His name is David.
At 8:30, the Bob Newhart show came on. Although I knew he couldn’t save his way out of any canyons, I loved Bob anyways. I especially loved the kicky theme song and the scene of him walking through Chicago on his way home to his high-rise apartment. I wonder if all of the 70’s sitcom focus on high-rises is largely why even today I crave the comfort and coziness of high-rise living. All the cool 70’s shows had people living in high-rises and that was the fantasy I took from this situation. No house in the burbs for this girl. In fact, when I lived in Chicago myself a few years ago, I had a studio apartment on the 28th floor of a highrise in the south loop that had a view of the Sears Tower, doormen and a small grocery story on the ground floor. I loved having the doorman hail me a cab and know that could easily have been Bob and Emily’s reality. I did not have sassy and funny neighbors however..that has yet to happen in any of my high-rise situations. I did once have a neighbor who would have sex with a very loud and enthusiastic woman in the summer when everyone’s sliding glass doors would be open, literally inviting making you an extra in their own private episode. I do not remember this ever happening on Bob Newhart.
But as a true 70’s television aficionado knows, the crowning hour was 9:00 and the Carol Burnett show. This was the show that mattered. My sister and I would lay on the floor in front of the tv – big bowls of jiffy pop and bottles of Tab by our side. Mom and dad would sit on the sofa and one of the brown corduroy Lay-Z-Boy recliners with their own big bowls of popcorn. Dad might have a cold beer but that was usually only when we had guests. And if we did have guests –they too would join us in the sacredness that was the Carol Burnett show. We laughed uproariously at the characters – our favorites being Tim Conway’s little old man and Carol’s Miss Wiggins in her skin tight pencil skirt and blonde curly wig. We loved when Tim made Harvey crack up and laugh, which is what we all knew we would be doing too. "How they keep a straight face I'll never know" my mother would often exclaim. We were on a first name basis with them by the way. Carol, Tim, Harvey and of course, Vicky and yes, even Lyle. I would run to the kitchen for more Tab or popcorn if the dancers were on – they did not interest me as much. But together, we would laugh at the family sketches, or share in the references of an old movie spoof. My dad would have tears running down his cheeks and we took special delight in laughing with him over the same things. It wasn't until I was an adult that I finally understood this comedy and laughter appeal. Simply put, it showed that we had something in common with our dad.
What’s that you say?
This was the true fantasy and the one thing at that age that we really could share with our dad. Sure, we shared with mom too, but there was more there to begin with. But dad worked all day, came home to tend to his gardens and go to bed and get up and do it all again. In the old-fashioned world of that time, he was the breadwinner and that was his focus. But he really relaxed on those Saturday nights. If it was a really great episode it may even result in Dad shouting "boy I sure could go for a DQ" and then we'd pile into his Rambler for a drive down to the Dairy Queen off Bellaire Avenue for ice cream. But laughter – shared laughter over a joke or a sketch – was the ultimate commonality on which we connected with our dad. And it didn’t stop there. We took great delight in telling stories or jokes we knew our dad would enjoy. At this point I can see that dad was (and is) sort of kooky. He was the kind of guy who could get onto the freeway, realize he had missed his exit, and simply drive through the grassy median and up onto the other side. At Christmas one year when we were all gathered in a circle opening gifts, he had received a set of steak knives and he threw one down to stick into the carpeting to see how sharp they were.
We all loved to laugh and you’d think some of us would not have minded being a bit out there and noticeable but my mother and sister loathed drawing attention to themselves. I missed that gene apparently and went so far as to become a stand up comic. Don't think the meaning is lost on me for a minute. In fact, I’ll never forget the first time my dad came to see me perform. I was at the Comedy Gallery in downtown Minneapolis and took to the stage in front of a fairly packed house. My set went well and I came to a joke I told about my dad, but which was actually based on something that a family friend used to say to us kids when we were young. I set the joke up by saying “My dad used to say to me..clean your plate, it will put hair on your chest.” As I paused before the punch line, my dad’s voice came through clearly for the entire audience to hear. “I never said that.” He got a bigger laugh than I did for that joke and you know what, he deserved it because he’s the one who gave me the gift of laughter and comedy in the first place, and that’s no fantasy.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Unemployment 101
I am not that unique.
In fact, I am so un-unique, that I have joined the many many people who have been laid off from their jobs. Harumph. Even, as in my case, when it's not a surprise, it's still a bit shocking. At it's worst, I imagine it can paralyze you. At it's best, I think it's an opportunity to grow and move into a new, more exciting direction. I am choosing to believe the second of those two options.
I was laid off from a company at which I had worked for three years. A company from which I expected I would one day retire. It was a smaller company and the people like family. That's what I miss the most..that daily interaction with people I truly liked and now miss. But I also believe things happen for a reason and being laid off, while a bit daunting, is also a great opportunity for me to change the trajectory of my life. It's what I needed to bring my focus to other areas in my life and to determine where I really want to go.
It's an opportunity to be proactive instead of reactive.
Do I want to be a full-time comic again? Or public speaker? How can I wrap my writing into my life and make more of a living? What about my passion for clothes and wardrobe presentation. Is there a career in this love? Can I even do any of this? Well, this is the time for me to find out.
It's been four weeks ago today since I was laid off. To be honest, I've been so busy in this time I sort of wonder how I got anything done when I was working 40 hours a week! I have started working on a business plan, had lunch and dinner with oodles of people, visited my parents, performed some comedy, written an article for a local paper and helped a friend style her look for a photo shoot. I'd like to say I have also painted my kitchen, but..well.... that's still to come! I have learned that if I get up early in the day and get on my computer and start working, it leads to a more productive day. In fact, I have a short list of things that I am going to note here that I have found make me feel better and more productive when I perform them on a daily basis. They remind me that I am a member of the land of the living whether I am wearing a pair of pumps or not!
1. Make my bed. This is so simple yet I have found that if I make my bed in the morning (something I admittedly did not do all the time when I was working out of the home) I feel more organized and productive immediately. It also helps to ensure that I don't languish around watching Ellen and the Price is Right because I fear once that habit is formed...well, let's just say it's better to not go there!
2. Wear make up. I am not a huge make up wearer beyond the basics. I have terrible skin so I go very lightly unless I'm going on stage. I have found however, that as I'm out and about right now, if I've put on some powder (I have discovered Clinique's new powder/mineral foundation) and lipstick, I feel much more prepared to face the day. It also helps me to simply feel better about myself even if I'm just taking my laptop to the coffee shop to work for awhile.
3. Wear the clothes I love. Like makeup, being in clothes that I love has always been central to who I am. I've never been one to really distinguish between "work" and "play" clothes because that line is so often blurred for me. But I'm very clear on the fact that just because I'm not going to an office every day doesn't mean I have to schlep around in sweat pants and fleece. I love my clothes and just because I've lost a day job that doesn't mean I'm not going to wear them! And again, like the makeup, wearing clothes that are fun and stylish means that I feel better about myself and that is worth everything in this transition.
4. Stay connected. Part of going to an office means you are seeing and interacting with people. It'd be so easy to become super reclusive and stay at home (see above reference to Ellen and the Price is Right!) I've been very deliberate about going out every day and seeing people. I am fortunate to have other friends who are self-employed and more flexible in their schedules, which leads to lunch and afternoons spent together. I call people daily and go out per usual in the evening. I feel connected to my community and that's because I am.
These are just some really simple things I have found during this transition. I'm excited to see where this road leads and will keep you posted. Thanks for reading!
In fact, I am so un-unique, that I have joined the many many people who have been laid off from their jobs. Harumph. Even, as in my case, when it's not a surprise, it's still a bit shocking. At it's worst, I imagine it can paralyze you. At it's best, I think it's an opportunity to grow and move into a new, more exciting direction. I am choosing to believe the second of those two options.
I was laid off from a company at which I had worked for three years. A company from which I expected I would one day retire. It was a smaller company and the people like family. That's what I miss the most..that daily interaction with people I truly liked and now miss. But I also believe things happen for a reason and being laid off, while a bit daunting, is also a great opportunity for me to change the trajectory of my life. It's what I needed to bring my focus to other areas in my life and to determine where I really want to go.
It's an opportunity to be proactive instead of reactive.
Do I want to be a full-time comic again? Or public speaker? How can I wrap my writing into my life and make more of a living? What about my passion for clothes and wardrobe presentation. Is there a career in this love? Can I even do any of this? Well, this is the time for me to find out.
It's been four weeks ago today since I was laid off. To be honest, I've been so busy in this time I sort of wonder how I got anything done when I was working 40 hours a week! I have started working on a business plan, had lunch and dinner with oodles of people, visited my parents, performed some comedy, written an article for a local paper and helped a friend style her look for a photo shoot. I'd like to say I have also painted my kitchen, but..well.... that's still to come! I have learned that if I get up early in the day and get on my computer and start working, it leads to a more productive day. In fact, I have a short list of things that I am going to note here that I have found make me feel better and more productive when I perform them on a daily basis. They remind me that I am a member of the land of the living whether I am wearing a pair of pumps or not!
1. Make my bed. This is so simple yet I have found that if I make my bed in the morning (something I admittedly did not do all the time when I was working out of the home) I feel more organized and productive immediately. It also helps to ensure that I don't languish around watching Ellen and the Price is Right because I fear once that habit is formed...well, let's just say it's better to not go there!
2. Wear make up. I am not a huge make up wearer beyond the basics. I have terrible skin so I go very lightly unless I'm going on stage. I have found however, that as I'm out and about right now, if I've put on some powder (I have discovered Clinique's new powder/mineral foundation) and lipstick, I feel much more prepared to face the day. It also helps me to simply feel better about myself even if I'm just taking my laptop to the coffee shop to work for awhile.
3. Wear the clothes I love. Like makeup, being in clothes that I love has always been central to who I am. I've never been one to really distinguish between "work" and "play" clothes because that line is so often blurred for me. But I'm very clear on the fact that just because I'm not going to an office every day doesn't mean I have to schlep around in sweat pants and fleece. I love my clothes and just because I've lost a day job that doesn't mean I'm not going to wear them! And again, like the makeup, wearing clothes that are fun and stylish means that I feel better about myself and that is worth everything in this transition.
4. Stay connected. Part of going to an office means you are seeing and interacting with people. It'd be so easy to become super reclusive and stay at home (see above reference to Ellen and the Price is Right!) I've been very deliberate about going out every day and seeing people. I am fortunate to have other friends who are self-employed and more flexible in their schedules, which leads to lunch and afternoons spent together. I call people daily and go out per usual in the evening. I feel connected to my community and that's because I am.
These are just some really simple things I have found during this transition. I'm excited to see where this road leads and will keep you posted. Thanks for reading!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Irony is a Situation Best Served in New York
Am I the only one who sees the incredible irony in the state of New York killing a bill that would have legalized gay marriage while at the same time, the news is buzzing over Tiger Wood’s supposed marital indiscretion?
According to CNN.com, Senator Ruben Diaz opposed the bill and called on Republicans to defend “traditional values.”
Get off your high horse Sen. Diaz.
What would Sen. Diaz say about Tiger Woods? How about Tiger’s corporate sponsors? They seem to be standing behind him at this point, and why wouldn’t they? Maybe Tiger gets a pass under that old standby excuse, “boys will be boys.”
Look at our recent obsession with the trials and tribulations of Jon and Kate Goslin. They are a great sound bite for “traditional values” don’t you think Sen. Diaz?
Another irony of all of this is actress Meredith Baxter's announcement yesterday that she is a lesbian. She was married three times, has five children and one of her most well-known roles was as the earthy mother in "Family Ties." What a delicious twist of reality.
The bottom line is this. “Straight marriage” is not an automatic pass to morality and goodness for Tiger Woods, Meredith Baxter, or anyone else. A certain few don't get to own "traditional values" for themselves. When will we realize that love comes in many shapes and sizes and that to support this would be the greatest human response we could provide?
According to CNN.com, Senator Ruben Diaz opposed the bill and called on Republicans to defend “traditional values.”
Get off your high horse Sen. Diaz.
What would Sen. Diaz say about Tiger Woods? How about Tiger’s corporate sponsors? They seem to be standing behind him at this point, and why wouldn’t they? Maybe Tiger gets a pass under that old standby excuse, “boys will be boys.”
Look at our recent obsession with the trials and tribulations of Jon and Kate Goslin. They are a great sound bite for “traditional values” don’t you think Sen. Diaz?
Another irony of all of this is actress Meredith Baxter's announcement yesterday that she is a lesbian. She was married three times, has five children and one of her most well-known roles was as the earthy mother in "Family Ties." What a delicious twist of reality.
The bottom line is this. “Straight marriage” is not an automatic pass to morality and goodness for Tiger Woods, Meredith Baxter, or anyone else. A certain few don't get to own "traditional values" for themselves. When will we realize that love comes in many shapes and sizes and that to support this would be the greatest human response we could provide?
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
The First Step in a Wardrobe Journey
Photo: Me, Brenda and fellow friend and diva, Rox!I am always suprised when women don't share my passion for style and fashion! But alas, some people don't know their princess seams from their empire waists! As a plus size woman, I also know this is the reality for many of us. We have been told that we are not deserving of stylish, well made clothing. We have bought into the myth that we are not worthy of feeling great in what we wear and to not expect to wear anything we absolutely love...until we lose weight. That infuriates me and quite honestly, I don't buy into it at all. I have a closet full of size 22 clothes that I absolutely love and I want every woman - no matter what size - to feel the same way. As I've said earlier in this blog - life is too short to wear ugly clothes!
That said, I have spent the last two days with my dear friend Brenda helping her both clean her closet out to make room for new clothes, and also in doing some shopping. Brenda is an incredible woman; she is a cancer survivor, mother, wife, author, stand up comic and national keynote speaker. Accomplished and sucessful. And yet, she is without clothes that she feels great in. I'm trying to help her change that and over the last two days, we made incredible progress.
There was an impetus for this. Brenda has a photo shoot for a publication that requested very certain looks for her. Ok. Easy enough. But she has also lost some weight and has nothing that fits. Also easy enough. And finally, she had to cleanout an incredible amount of clothing to make room for some new pieces and the challenge here is to find her some looks that will transition with her as she continues to lose, and to also provide her with some looks that are stylish and deliberate, as well as comfortable and easy to wear. Brenda told me how she has always done alot of desperation shopping and has ended up with loads of clothing that doesn't work for for her. I told her we were going to organize her to a place where she would never have to do that again. Where she would have a really clear idea of what she had in her closet and what her needs will be in the future.
I will be posting this story and Brenda's journey here. Watch for more to come soon!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Women's Day of Wellness
If you are in the Twin Cities, I am speaking at a Women's Day of Wellness at the Sabes Jewish Community Center on Sunday November 1. I love that they are including my talk on body acceptance as part of a day of wellness as I think it really illustrates how people are understanding the fact that accepting who we are is the key to feeling good and being healthy in our bodies. It promises to be a really great day and I am totally I would love to see you there. Check out this link for more details as the brochure did not appear too well when I put it into this post!
https://www.sabesjcc.org
If it's Thursday it Must be Gray!
This sweater set is yesterday's on-line purchase from Nordstrom. Eileen Fisher. Both pieces. On sale. Heaven. I am giving a key note address at a women's day of wellness next week and want to wear this with flared black trousers and my black boots from Cole Haan. Add a fantastic necklace perhaps or a really awesome scarf. I'm in love with the simplicity.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Thoughts About Fat and Judgement
I started this blog because I love clothes. I am a fat woman and I love clothes. And with all my heart I believe that being fat and not falling into the fashion world's ideal of "acceptable" means that dressing with any sort of style or flair is a revolutionary act. After all, we are not expected to look good. We're fat. Aren't we supposed to be schlepping around in sloppy sweats because we're too lazy, fat, tired, ashamed, etc.. to even make an effort to look good?
But this blog has exposed me to the fatosphere and a world of health at any size and body acceptance. I am bombarded with news and stories and this week has been a particularly busy one in the fatosphere and the world of fat judgement as a whole. As a sampling, there is the whole "barbie having fat ankles" situation from shoe designer Christian Louboutin. There is the Jessica Simpson fat joke as seen in a Burger King ad. There was a news story about an obese child possibly being removed from his household by Child and Family Services in Florida as being obese is obviously a means of abuse. We are criminalizing being fat and where does that stop?
Pretty soon we'll be able to be pulled over and ticketed for driving while not on weight watchers.
I read an article by Megan McCain about how people are always commenting on her weight and making jokes. There is a man running for Governor in New Jersey who is fat and who is having his weight used against him as pointing him out as obviously undisciplined enough to run the state.
Is it my imagination, or are we just becoming meaner?
The fatosphere has opened my eyes to a variety of outlets and people who really get that to be fat is one way to live in this world. There are many ways to live, all of them with merit and the ability to live life fully and generously. Being fat should not, and will not, be a morality judgement in my life. Nor does it mean that I am less than anyone; that I am any less attractive or worthy as a person or a woman. I realize that not every man will be attracted to me. That's fine. I'm not attracted to every man. I realize that many people are going to judge me about my weight and that is fine too because you know what? I don't know those people and quite frankly, their opinions of me don't matter. I've seen alot of hatred and judgement from people who hide anonymously behind the Internet and their ability to post words that are mean and full of bile. Life is too short to be so angry at people that you are never going to change and quite honestly, I direct that to both sides of the coin. You are not expected to try to change me just as I know I'm not going to change your mind. That's ok because all you haters and meanies, I'm not giving you any more of my attention. Will they still be there? Of course. And I'll see their words and hear their words - but it doesn't mean I have to live their words. That's their reality.
This is mine:
1. I am a woman.
2. I am a daughter.
3. I am a sister.
4. I am an aunt.
5. I am a friend.
6. I am a stand up comic and writer.
7. I am creative and funny.
8. I am stylish.
9. I am occasionally grumpy and blue.
10. I am usually happy and content.
11. I am someone who loves to be in love.
12. I am open minded.
13. I am compassionate.
14. I am kind.
15. I am loyal.
16. I am 46 years old.
17. I am a city girl through and through.
18. I am an employee.
19. I am a cat owner.
20. I am unique and I am loved.
But this blog has exposed me to the fatosphere and a world of health at any size and body acceptance. I am bombarded with news and stories and this week has been a particularly busy one in the fatosphere and the world of fat judgement as a whole. As a sampling, there is the whole "barbie having fat ankles" situation from shoe designer Christian Louboutin. There is the Jessica Simpson fat joke as seen in a Burger King ad. There was a news story about an obese child possibly being removed from his household by Child and Family Services in Florida as being obese is obviously a means of abuse. We are criminalizing being fat and where does that stop?
Pretty soon we'll be able to be pulled over and ticketed for driving while not on weight watchers.
I read an article by Megan McCain about how people are always commenting on her weight and making jokes. There is a man running for Governor in New Jersey who is fat and who is having his weight used against him as pointing him out as obviously undisciplined enough to run the state.
Is it my imagination, or are we just becoming meaner?
The fatosphere has opened my eyes to a variety of outlets and people who really get that to be fat is one way to live in this world. There are many ways to live, all of them with merit and the ability to live life fully and generously. Being fat should not, and will not, be a morality judgement in my life. Nor does it mean that I am less than anyone; that I am any less attractive or worthy as a person or a woman. I realize that not every man will be attracted to me. That's fine. I'm not attracted to every man. I realize that many people are going to judge me about my weight and that is fine too because you know what? I don't know those people and quite frankly, their opinions of me don't matter. I've seen alot of hatred and judgement from people who hide anonymously behind the Internet and their ability to post words that are mean and full of bile. Life is too short to be so angry at people that you are never going to change and quite honestly, I direct that to both sides of the coin. You are not expected to try to change me just as I know I'm not going to change your mind. That's ok because all you haters and meanies, I'm not giving you any more of my attention. Will they still be there? Of course. And I'll see their words and hear their words - but it doesn't mean I have to live their words. That's their reality.
This is mine:
1. I am a woman.
2. I am a daughter.
3. I am a sister.
4. I am an aunt.
5. I am a friend.
6. I am a stand up comic and writer.
7. I am creative and funny.
8. I am stylish.
9. I am occasionally grumpy and blue.
10. I am usually happy and content.
11. I am someone who loves to be in love.
12. I am open minded.
13. I am compassionate.
14. I am kind.
15. I am loyal.
16. I am 46 years old.
17. I am a city girl through and through.
18. I am an employee.
19. I am a cat owner.
20. I am unique and I am loved.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Stylish Sites
Some new favorite sites:
The Sartorialist
http://thesartorialist.blogspot.com/
This site rocks for the sheer love and presentation of fashion and design as interpreted by people on the street. Mind you, often the people on the street are in Paris waiting to get into the runway show at Chanel, but it is absolutely inspiring and graceful. Another reason to be devoted to this site is that when recently asked about the lack of plus size women photographed on his site, his reply was:
"When I am shooting on the street older women and larger size women often say "no" to my request to shoot them. Actually, much more than any other category of people I shoot. I think they have a real suspicion about how the image will be used. I also think there continues to be a growing disconnect between the fashion community and "average" women in general."
He gets it. We rock no matter what size we are. It's time for all of us..from size 2 to size 32..to embrace who we are. To trust that we can rock a look and be admired for it! To love what we wear and to always present in the best most fashionable way we can. It means only putting yourself in clothes that you love and that make a statement about how fabulous you are. It means making an effort, which fat women have been denied for so long, but not any more. I will no longer deny my style or my love of style, no matter what size I am and I invite you to do the same.
That leads me to another site that I just discovered:
The Manfattan Project
http://themanfattanproject.tumblr.com/
This amazing site takes off from the Sartorialist in presenting people on the street that have incredible style and grace. It's subtitle is "Real Fashion. Large Bodies".
The Official Website of Carrie Fisher (and the blog specifically)
The Sartorialist
http://thesartorialist.blogspot.com/
This site rocks for the sheer love and presentation of fashion and design as interpreted by people on the street. Mind you, often the people on the street are in Paris waiting to get into the runway show at Chanel, but it is absolutely inspiring and graceful. Another reason to be devoted to this site is that when recently asked about the lack of plus size women photographed on his site, his reply was:
"When I am shooting on the street older women and larger size women often say "no" to my request to shoot them. Actually, much more than any other category of people I shoot. I think they have a real suspicion about how the image will be used. I also think there continues to be a growing disconnect between the fashion community and "average" women in general."
He gets it. We rock no matter what size we are. It's time for all of us..from size 2 to size 32..to embrace who we are. To trust that we can rock a look and be admired for it! To love what we wear and to always present in the best most fashionable way we can. It means only putting yourself in clothes that you love and that make a statement about how fabulous you are. It means making an effort, which fat women have been denied for so long, but not any more. I will no longer deny my style or my love of style, no matter what size I am and I invite you to do the same.
That leads me to another site that I just discovered:
The Manfattan Project
http://themanfattanproject.tumblr.com/
This amazing site takes off from the Sartorialist in presenting people on the street that have incredible style and grace. It's subtitle is "Real Fashion. Large Bodies".
The Official Website of Carrie Fisher (and the blog specifically)
We all know Carrie Fisher as a youthful Princess Lea. We know her as the witty and wry author as one of my favorite books "Postcards from the Edge". And now, we are knowing her as an actress in her early 50's who is battling the tabloid obsession with perfection and youth. A recent post included the following and quite simply, I have decided that she is my new heroine!! Rock on Carrie Fisher! Her last comment put into words the way I felt after reading through a bunch of comments posted on CNN's website after United Airlines announced it's new policy of charging large passengers for a second seat. The vile and hatred in these anonymous comments was outrageous and like Ms. Fisher states here, all I could wonder was "how much do YOU weigh asshole and how did you decide that you were so absolutely flawless?" So, kudos for her for remaining true to herself and calling it all out so honestly!
"You see, I was hot when most people are hot—- in my fucking 20’s & part of my 30’s……THEN, in an effort to imitate humans, I had a child &, to further maintain my life like disguise, I took medications for about 9 thousand years, &, despite all my efforts, I continued to get older & older——inadvertently, I assure you———-I tried to arrest my development physically as WELL as emotionally, but unfortunately without as much success. I also must confess that I ate food. I’m sorry….. I realize that I promised never to eat anything but lettuce & sun flower seeds, but tragically, I was unable to keep my promise.
Yes, I realize…..I KNOW that I vowed to exercise for 3 hours a day—-aerobics, pilates AND yoga, but alas, I admit with a large quota of shame, that I failed to fulfill this other important commitment. NO, I shouldn’t look as if 30 years have passed. I understand completely if you can’t find it in your heart to forgive me for looking like 3 decades have passed…….Of COURSE you should mock & belittle me for being so large!! What else could you POSSIBLY do?????!? I’ve let you down by treating my body as though it were just some giant sad sack that I use to haul my personality around. You have every right to compare me to Yoda or Elton or Kirstie…….I’ve brought it on myself.
But here’s this thing that I found myself wondering………what the fuck do YOU look like??! "
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Three Divas Take Over Northern Minnesota Town
The Three Divas - that's me, Brenda Elsagher and Rox Tarrant in the photo above - took over the Northern Minnesota town of Crookston on September 25 when we performed at the amazing breast cancer research fundraiser "Shirley's BRAdway Show"! The event was a smashing success and I invite you check out this link for a review of the show.
Not to brag but the Three Divas are three hiliarious and yes, plus size, women who perform stand up comedy that is positive, real and inspiring. We dispel the stereotype that is often found in the stand up comedy world that women cannot work together because they all talk about the same thing (that is the subject of an entirely separate post) while we cover topics as diverse as our own lives ranging from being married to a Muslim Egyptian (Brenda), size acceptance (Jodie) and the kookiness of family (Rox). Each of us refuses to conform to society's expectations of women as it pertains to size and body acceptance, instead choosing to celebrate the women we are at this very moment which is big, beautiful, and frickin' hilarious!
So, our thanks to Shirley Reitmeier the superwoman who organized this amazing event in less than two months and had a sell-out crowd of almost 400. And thanks also to Renee Wall Rongen who MC'd the show and is an accomplished public speaker in her own right. And by the way, wears a boa made entirely of bras really really well! Maybe you had to be there....
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Yum
Not that we really need any reasons, but just in case...
Since summer is unofficially over.
Since today feels like Monday
Since it's going to rain here soon.
Since today feels like Monday
Since it's going to rain here soon.
...let's look at some of my favorite stylish men! I keep them handy so rainy days and sort-of Mondays never get me down!
A little something for us girls who like our boys young... hello Josh.
And remember when Robert Redford looked like this? No wonder Meryl Streep let him wash her hair in Out of Africa! 
The Kennedys in their prime. Brooks Brothers probably paid them commission for making tweed look so sexy.
Isaac Mizrahi dresses and adores all women large and small. For this we must give him our undivided love and why not? He's a doll!
Christopher Bailey has resurrected the Burberry brand..perhaps he could ressurect me? 
Mr. Tambourine Man. Native of my state. The only man here who's hair I could mimic with my own. God he was hot....when I was only about 6 years old!'
And Tim Gunn. Stylish is life and he personifies it. Sigh.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Avedon Fashion 1944-2000
While in NYC last week, I had the total pleasure of attending the Avedon Fashion 1944-2000 exhibit at the International Center for Photography. It was one of those wonderful NYC moments where you simply stumble onto something incredible that you were not planning on attending, but then it becomes a trip favorite. The exhibit highlights Avedon's fashion photography from his career days at Vogue, Harper's Bazaar, The New Yorker and more. The images are iconic, glamorous, gritty, beautiful and imaginative. It's hard to imagine the look of fashion magazines today without his groundbreaking photographs of yesterday. The true test of course is that his photos are as current and fresh today as they were then.
Top Gunn
"If you want to dress to feel as though you never got out of bed, then don't get out of bed." - Tim Gunn
Thursday, September 3, 2009
When the Deep Purple Falls
Refreshing. Regal. Rich.
Autumn is arriving! Here in Minneapolis it is crisp and cool and in the 70's. While some people are thinking "back to school" I'm thinking "back to knee high boots and cashmere wraps"! Having just been to New York City, where I perused the shops and swooned over the stunning Marina Rinaldi pieces at Saks Fifth Avenue, I am going to post some pieces that highlight of the biggest color trends of fall. It's all about regal and rich purple and refreshing grey my dears. Pictured here are some of what is available to us this fall, and I don't know about you, but I'm SO ready!
Autumn is arriving! Here in Minneapolis it is crisp and cool and in the 70's. While some people are thinking "back to school" I'm thinking "back to knee high boots and cashmere wraps"! Having just been to New York City, where I perused the shops and swooned over the stunning Marina Rinaldi pieces at Saks Fifth Avenue, I am going to post some pieces that highlight of the biggest color trends of fall. It's all about regal and rich purple and refreshing grey my dears. Pictured here are some of what is available to us this fall, and I don't know about you, but I'm SO ready!
Credits (top to bottom):
Calvin Klein, Etro, Manolo Blahnik, Lafayette 148,
Igigi, Michael Kors, Eileen Fisher, Brian Atwood, Joan Vass, Eileen Fisher, Anya Hindmarch, and Anna Scholz
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
The Menopause Gods Have Spoken
I have wrinkles around my eyes. Crêpey sort of squidgy wrinkles. And also near my mouth. I think those are called laugh line and baby, I laugh A LOT!
My face is changing. Hell, my entire body has changed drastically over the past two years. I was coasting through my 30’s and roared into my 40’s thinking “this is a breeze.” I was slipping through the fingers of the menopause Gods (I’m sure there is more than one) before they finally realized they were missing me. “Where is her irregular cycle?” the Gods wondered. “How about some wrinkles? And throw in really really sore knees too.” said one.
The meanest menopause God of them all said “Maybe she should lose some hair.”
I have to face the facts that among other things, I am a pre-menopausal woman and that means changes physically. The one thing I have not had is a hot flash. My friend Tami has started having them. She wakes up drenched in the middle of the night and shakes awake her husband to ask if he’s hot. He never is of course. That’s the ease of being a man; you never need to ask for directions and you’ll never have a hot flash.
But everything else is out of whack. It snuck up on me and that’s what bothers me more than anything. For example, it used to be that I could walk pain-free. I know..I know…a lot of people have very serious reasons for being in pain. I would like to say that my arthritic knees are a very serious reason for pain. And I have the pain. Not all the time though. Some weeks I feel like I could dance up and down the stairs while carrying my laundry basket or a small car. And then the next week inexplicably, I’m hobbling up and down the stairs wishing I had a cane. Well, actually, I do have a cane. I never use it. That’s pure vanity and I make no apologies. I’m going to New York City in two days and my travelling partner, GGF, suggested I bring the cane. I think he was serious too, but as I told him, it would totally ruin my look.
Maybe that’s one way in which I am not that mature yet. I still talk about my look. In high school, my look was everything. It’s how I projected myself to the world; it’s who I was. In high school, I morphed from a kilt wearing, monogrammed sweater coveting prepster, to an early-80’s Molly Ringwald with hair that was much longer on one side than the other, while I wore neon green anklets with herringbone checked flats that I adored. In high school, I tie dyed my peach silk taffeta prom skirt and chopping it above the knees. I have no memory of actually wearing this concoction, but my mother would have been appalled and for that reason alone I’m quite sure I must’ve worn it at least once. Probably to a family event of some sort where there would have been grandparent shock to augment the parental shock.
The thing is, this dynamic doesn’t really change as you get older. Instead of impressing my high school friends with a kicky sense of style and rebellion, now it’s my co-workers. Or a possible boyfriend, and let’s face it, boyfriend material is basically just looking for cleavage no matter the age. Men don’t care that you are wearing a $1,000 Marina Rinaldi jacket that fits you like it was cut on you and that only cost $41 massively on sale at the Saks outlet. Is there cleavage? No? Not interested.
Actually, I should clarify. GGF cares about the Marina Rinaldi jacket, but he’s a rare BFF who also serves as stylist and interior decorator, along with therapist, gay mother, gay husband and a whole host of other roles. We leave for NYC on Thursday morning and Sunday he came over and sat in the chair in my boudoir while we paraded through my clothing choices for the trip. How many boyfriends or husbands would do that?
Speaking of NYC, I will be posting about it and taking lots of pictures! I can’t wait to see the fashions and style on the streets. I can’t wait to hit the galleries, theatres and restaurants..oh my!
Anyhew, I think who we really want to impress are other women, I’d like to say I’m a better person than that, but I have to face facts. I had drinks with some former co-workers last night and one of them is the cutest little blond. She could make a tar paper suit look like a stunning piece of haute couture. She was wearing slim jeans, ballet flats, a cute white top with longer cardigan. She was gamine and adorable. Aside from the fact that I’m twice her size (seriously…you could fit two of her into my body, which is creepy but true) just sitting next to her brought up all of my insecurities. I ran through my esteem checklist in my mind. My hair looks really good tonight - check. I’m wearing Prada glasses and Cole-Haan shoes. Check, check. (Frankly, the Prada glasses should be worth five checks alone.) But none of it added up last night in the presence of someone I deemed as just really pulling it all. And effortlessly at that. I am ashamed to admit that I felt more than a little dumpy and unattractive sitting next to her. And that, my friends, is not a place I want to go. I try to be more self-aware than that. I’m ok just the way I am. I accept who I am and what my body is. I love what I wear and I feel good in my clothes. When I walked out the door yesterday morning, I was feeling pretty sassy. Why did I give up the power of that when sitting next to a woman I deemed as appearing “better?”
My question is, do we all do this? Do you do this? Do you think Courtney Cox ever feels inferior sitting next to Jennifer Aniston? Or vice versa? Is Sandra Bullock ever on the red carpet and suddenly she sees Jennifer Lopez and immediately hates her own dress? Or hair? Or everything?
I hope..I pray…that this happens because it says that at the core, we are all just mere mortals engaged in a battle with our self-images and that knowing this alone can make it better. It takes away some of the power when we can sit back and say “you know what? Right now I’m feeling a little vulnerable. Why is that? What can I do to bring myself back to how fabulous I really am?” We know that some days are easier than others but let’s just try to be kind to ourselves, even if others are not. Let’s treat ourselves with dignity and respect and love every inch of us. And besides, it helps to remember that there are only like, five super models in the entire world, and millions of men. The odds are totally stacked in my favor.
My face is changing. Hell, my entire body has changed drastically over the past two years. I was coasting through my 30’s and roared into my 40’s thinking “this is a breeze.” I was slipping through the fingers of the menopause Gods (I’m sure there is more than one) before they finally realized they were missing me. “Where is her irregular cycle?” the Gods wondered. “How about some wrinkles? And throw in really really sore knees too.” said one.
The meanest menopause God of them all said “Maybe she should lose some hair.”
I have to face the facts that among other things, I am a pre-menopausal woman and that means changes physically. The one thing I have not had is a hot flash. My friend Tami has started having them. She wakes up drenched in the middle of the night and shakes awake her husband to ask if he’s hot. He never is of course. That’s the ease of being a man; you never need to ask for directions and you’ll never have a hot flash.
But everything else is out of whack. It snuck up on me and that’s what bothers me more than anything. For example, it used to be that I could walk pain-free. I know..I know…a lot of people have very serious reasons for being in pain. I would like to say that my arthritic knees are a very serious reason for pain. And I have the pain. Not all the time though. Some weeks I feel like I could dance up and down the stairs while carrying my laundry basket or a small car. And then the next week inexplicably, I’m hobbling up and down the stairs wishing I had a cane. Well, actually, I do have a cane. I never use it. That’s pure vanity and I make no apologies. I’m going to New York City in two days and my travelling partner, GGF, suggested I bring the cane. I think he was serious too, but as I told him, it would totally ruin my look.
Maybe that’s one way in which I am not that mature yet. I still talk about my look. In high school, my look was everything. It’s how I projected myself to the world; it’s who I was. In high school, I morphed from a kilt wearing, monogrammed sweater coveting prepster, to an early-80’s Molly Ringwald with hair that was much longer on one side than the other, while I wore neon green anklets with herringbone checked flats that I adored. In high school, I tie dyed my peach silk taffeta prom skirt and chopping it above the knees. I have no memory of actually wearing this concoction, but my mother would have been appalled and for that reason alone I’m quite sure I must’ve worn it at least once. Probably to a family event of some sort where there would have been grandparent shock to augment the parental shock.
The thing is, this dynamic doesn’t really change as you get older. Instead of impressing my high school friends with a kicky sense of style and rebellion, now it’s my co-workers. Or a possible boyfriend, and let’s face it, boyfriend material is basically just looking for cleavage no matter the age. Men don’t care that you are wearing a $1,000 Marina Rinaldi jacket that fits you like it was cut on you and that only cost $41 massively on sale at the Saks outlet. Is there cleavage? No? Not interested.
Actually, I should clarify. GGF cares about the Marina Rinaldi jacket, but he’s a rare BFF who also serves as stylist and interior decorator, along with therapist, gay mother, gay husband and a whole host of other roles. We leave for NYC on Thursday morning and Sunday he came over and sat in the chair in my boudoir while we paraded through my clothing choices for the trip. How many boyfriends or husbands would do that?
Speaking of NYC, I will be posting about it and taking lots of pictures! I can’t wait to see the fashions and style on the streets. I can’t wait to hit the galleries, theatres and restaurants..oh my!
Anyhew, I think who we really want to impress are other women, I’d like to say I’m a better person than that, but I have to face facts. I had drinks with some former co-workers last night and one of them is the cutest little blond. She could make a tar paper suit look like a stunning piece of haute couture. She was wearing slim jeans, ballet flats, a cute white top with longer cardigan. She was gamine and adorable. Aside from the fact that I’m twice her size (seriously…you could fit two of her into my body, which is creepy but true) just sitting next to her brought up all of my insecurities. I ran through my esteem checklist in my mind. My hair looks really good tonight - check. I’m wearing Prada glasses and Cole-Haan shoes. Check, check. (Frankly, the Prada glasses should be worth five checks alone.) But none of it added up last night in the presence of someone I deemed as just really pulling it all. And effortlessly at that. I am ashamed to admit that I felt more than a little dumpy and unattractive sitting next to her. And that, my friends, is not a place I want to go. I try to be more self-aware than that. I’m ok just the way I am. I accept who I am and what my body is. I love what I wear and I feel good in my clothes. When I walked out the door yesterday morning, I was feeling pretty sassy. Why did I give up the power of that when sitting next to a woman I deemed as appearing “better?”
My question is, do we all do this? Do you do this? Do you think Courtney Cox ever feels inferior sitting next to Jennifer Aniston? Or vice versa? Is Sandra Bullock ever on the red carpet and suddenly she sees Jennifer Lopez and immediately hates her own dress? Or hair? Or everything?
I hope..I pray…that this happens because it says that at the core, we are all just mere mortals engaged in a battle with our self-images and that knowing this alone can make it better. It takes away some of the power when we can sit back and say “you know what? Right now I’m feeling a little vulnerable. Why is that? What can I do to bring myself back to how fabulous I really am?” We know that some days are easier than others but let’s just try to be kind to ourselves, even if others are not. Let’s treat ourselves with dignity and respect and love every inch of us. And besides, it helps to remember that there are only like, five super models in the entire world, and millions of men. The odds are totally stacked in my favor.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Random Thoughts on my 46th Birthday
A cashier I had at Target recently was talking about his mother and how she didn’t understand him. He said “It’s just so hard sometimes in your 20’s.” and then looked at me and said “I imagine it’s the same in your 50’s.” I replied I wouldn’t know as I was only in my 40’s! I think when you’re young, older people just blend into one age and that tends to just be “over 50.” I don’t think I look like I am older than I am. If anything, I am growing into my age. I’ve always looked older. I have been mistaken for GGF’s mother on more than one occasion and he’s older than I am! When you are large, I think it compounds it because you can run the risk of appearing “matronly” something I fight against daily.My grandmother on my dad’s side of the family died at an age that was younger that my mother is right now and yet, she always looked much older than my mother has ever looked. It was a different time (she passed away in the mid-70's) and she totally looked like the stereotypical grandmother; welcoming bosomy, gray hair, always in a dress with a brooch and always wearing an apron. Alice Maruska was known for her baking more than anything but I also have a very clear memory of her loud laughter. I have inherited that from her (and all of the Maruska women – my lovely aunts). I hope to be an old woman who laughs a lot!
One of my friends is a 31 year old man and as of yesterday he is 15 years younger than me. He made the comment recently to the effect of “I don’t hang around with many 45 year olds!” and I asked if that bothered him to hang around with an “older woman.” He said no, it did not. But I am more aware of my age than I used to be. And not in a bad way. Age is what it is and I have no control over when I was brought into this world. It’s a number. Blah blah blah. I’m pre-menopausal (but have not yet had a hot flash) and have been recently been told by my doctor that it would be a minor miracle if I were to conceive a baby due to a particular hormone level in my body. It’s all very curious to me I guess.
I am going to NYC in two weeks (cannot wait) and am anxious to see the fashion on the streets. I was just in the NY Times on-line and there is a shirt waist dress trend this summer in NYC and now I’m obsessed with having a shirtwaist dress. I remember the beautiful blue pima cotton shirtwaist by Herve Bernard that I had in my mid-20’s. I worked at Dayton’s (in the Club House department. Not quite the Oval Room, but close enough!) and I wore it until it was threadbare. Proof that the classics always circle around again. And reminder that I am now old enough to get to experience this in person.
I’m aware that the 80’s are as present in my mind as the 50’s were to my parents in the 70’s.
The older I get, the more important appearance has become to me. I’ve always been into clothes and “my look” but at the age of 46, I feel it acutely as I am aware of dressing appropriately for my age, yet in a way that is trend forward and fresh. Do I always accomplish this? No, but I try. I have a very dear friend and she’s funny and charming and generous and talented, but she dresses a bit matronly. She is ten years older than I am and she’s a beautiful woman; I just wish she would grab for some more gusto in her wardrobe so that what she projected in her wardrobe reflected who she truly is. We were shopping for her recently and I commented that the shoes she kept picking out were grandma shoes. We had a good laugh, and then she bought two pair she probably would not have purchased unless I had been along. She was stuck where so many of us get stuck – in the same old, comfortable place. She got out of her comfort zone a bit and ended up with some great sandals that she has been living in this summer and that give her a bit if zip that her other shoes don’t. We should all break out of our comfort zones. That said, I pledge to stop purchasing black trousers as I already have a closet full of them!
I remember when my mom was 46 and I thought she was sooooo very old. Now that I’m here, it’s not what I would have imagined. I feel like I did when I was 25 – only better I think. Is life perfect? Absolutely not. But it’s life and that’s good enough sometimes.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
B&Lu Rocks Again
I love B&Lu. Besides the fact that they are located right here in my own fair city (well..I'm in Minneapolis and they are in St. Paul. Close enough!) so when I order from their site, I receive my items right away, but they feature affordable, fashionable, and just-enough-on-trend pieces to appeal to wide range of women who want to be comfortable but also have a bit of an edge to their looks. If you have not yet gone onto their website to peruse pieces, please do so immediately (link is in my favorites.) Special incentive - they have a "20% off your entire order" promo right now! It's the perfect time to stock up on some fun new key pieces that could start to transition you to fall. Seriously. It's August already you guys.
The Noelle Top is a cute knit with great embellishment around the neck. I'll wear this with jeans and flats and since it's already got such great detail on the neck, I'll skip the necklace and stack up some bangles for an easy look.
The Chollo dress is pictured in "paprika" which is one of my favorite colors to wear, but it also comes in black, I am going to wear this dress when I head off to NYC at the end of the month. It's perfect for a theatre night or just going out to dinner.
I know I constantly talk about shopping in season but I am getting really anxious for fall and what is to come! And I'm really looking forward to going to NYC at the end of this month to scope out the stores (Lee Lee's Valise here I come!) and the trends in person. I'm hoping for some high-fashion and some high shopping!
If you ARE still looking for true summer deals - the Liz Claiborne website has some good ones on some great pieces, including this ikat column dress that I am totally lusting after. I love that the waist has some detail and shape and think it would be adorable with a big black belt - or not! At the time of this post, it is a steal at only $54.99! Of note - I am going to wear this in all of my sleeveless glory...fat upper arms be damned! My arms may not look like Michelle's Obama's, but they are still my arms and they are ok just as they are! When did chiseled become better than soft? Besides, the black cardigan tossed over the sleeveless dress look is getting old for me. I may add a wrap to ward of air conditioning chill but otherwise, I'm wearing this dress as pictured! Thanks for reading everyone!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
When the Shoe Fits......
Once in awhile, the shoe gods smile down upon you. Once in awhile, if you're really lucky, the shoe angels sing. And once in a very great while, if you've been a vvveeerrrryyyyyy good girl, you can actually find a pot of gold at the end of the shoe rainbow because there is a computer glitch at a major department store and you get $600 worth of shoes for only $65.Yes, I died and went to shoe heaven yesterday and it was all because someone made a computer mistake and the high-end designer shoes that were already on clearance at said major department store were ringing up at something like 80% off the already clearanced price. In other words - I got two pair of Stuart Weitzman shoes for $65 that regularly would have set me back $600 (yes for two pair of shoes..sigh.) Even on sale, they would have still been about $300. One pair is a low wedge slingback with the most incredible big buckle on the toe that I have lusted after all summer but did not have the funds to purchase until yesterday when they were only $40 (even the sale price was still $178!) They are amazing and I'm wearing them today. Nothing like a great pair of shoes to lift a girl's mood. BUT - I also got the most fabulous pair of sandals that honestly, I would have never purchased originally, but at the price I was able to score them at, I figured, why not? They are a pewter leather criss-cross sandal with a chunky heel and they look great on but even better? They are super comfy, which is not something I find with heels as often as I'd like. The photo at the top is this sandal in black - the pewter is much prettier and more unique. I'm going to NYC at the end of this month and what a great pair of sandals to wear with my little black Calvin Klein dress in the evening.
I had to share my good fortune. I only wish there had been a computer glitch on handbags as well!
The New Circus
Against my better judgement, I think I'm addicted. "More to Love” is now airing and damn if I didn’t watch it last week and immediately get hooked. The man is adorable, the women are beautiful, and the emotions seem to be real. I can totally relate to and understand what’s being put out there by those women, who are there because they are large because that is the angle of this show.
Yet, I can’t quite commit to the entire concept.
On a side note: I also loved the drama of host Emme suddenly and dramatically walking into the room during the “ring” ceremony to announce that there was only one ring left, and then promptly leaving the room. Totally campy and over the top, which is probably why I loved it. I am a girl who loves her camp moments.
Here’s the thing. The women that were not chosen to stay in the house to vie for the guy’s affections (i.e., ‘will you wear this promise ring?” which is really pretty weird, but whatever) were understandably hurt that they were not chosen. Rejection sucks every time. One woman (I imagine more?) had never been on a date and she was stunningly gorgeous with long dark hair and beautiful eyes. Many of them stated that this was their one chance at love and that they had big hearts that they wanted to share with someone special and that they were worried they would be alone forever. And while I believe with all my heart that one chance is NOT all we get at love and CERTAINLY NOT the chance you may get when you are on a reality TV show, it also reminded me that so many of our histories are filled with stories of heartbreak and of men who we have liked or loved who did not choose us. The hard part is that no matter the situation, when you are a large woman and a man you are interested in is not interested in you, size is the easiest scapegoat to pull out. My friends tell me that my size is not what keeps me from getting involved in a serious relationship, but when that has been held up as your “man mirror” for so many years, is it any wonder that we go there so quickly? I imagine many of us have felt the pain of being with someone who is critical of our size or worse, can’t love us because of his (or her) own hangups. We have been in bars or out with our smaller girlfriends who get all sorts of male attention while we sit silently and ignored. I can’t speak for everyone but I know the pain of falling in love with someone who ultimately won’t or can’t go there because he isn't attracted to me physically. And while I know that this has probably also happened to women like Cindy Crawford and Megan Fox, they have a leg up that quite honestly I’ve never felt like I’ve had when it comes to men.
That said, I love men in all forms and in all relationships. My dearest most intimate friends are men; I love being with them and seek out their company. But, how many men have I been “like a sister” to when I’ve felt more than that? How many men love me, but aren’t in love with me? How many men have shared their hopes and dreams and deepest darkest and also happiest, worlds with me, but still drool over every other woman that walks by, constantly reinforcing the fact that I am a great emotional fit, but not physical? I would be lying if I said that didn’t hurt sometimes.
I know that everyone has hangups and heartbreak and that it’s not dependent on size alone. I know that men feel and hurt and do the best they can. The heart and body wants what it wants for a variety of reasons. On my best days I know I’m gorgeous and unique and worthy just as I am and any man worth my time, attention and love is going to love me completely; mind, body and soul. On my worst days, and they are out there, I am quite sure that I will fall in love with yet another man who will not want to be with me because he is not attracted to me based on my size, or that I will be once again obsessed with losing weight in an effort to “get him to love me.” I hate that I even go there but I must be honest and admit that indeed, I do.
I will continue to watch “More to Love” with great curiosity. I haven’t decided yet whether I feel like it’s being put out there as a curiosity or as just a legitimate angle in the reality-date-television genre, but I see there is also a show coming out about a family of four people who each weigh over 300 pounds. It makes me wonder if reality TV is basically becoming the updated version of the circus freak show? No need to step right up, now you can just click the remote and watch the fat lady get her heart broken and and the little person build an addition on their house. Gasp.
My fear is the viewpoint similar to the one I read in a commentary by Joshua Alston through Newsweek:
“There will probably never come a time when obesity is portrayed with the same compassion as, say, lupus, or any other disease that can fall a person through no fault of his own. So maybe it’s unrealistic to dream of overweight characters routinely included in scripted television shows and occasionally seen pulling a bag of Wheat Thins out of the vending machine.”
Seriously, did he just compare being fat to Lupus? And seriously, do we still not see that large people are everywhere in this world and how come that does not translate to television? Where are we? Not just the funny best friend but the romantic partner. The lawyer (where is Camryn Manheim when we need her?), the doctor, the bus driver. We are everywhere and why is it newsworthy that we only want what everyone else does? Life, love, happiness and some fabulous shoes!
In closing he stated:
“At the very least, the networks should make sure chunky people are producing these shows, because that’s certainly not the impression I get from watching them. As someone best described as “cute in the face, thick in the waist,” I would feel more comfortable knowing my Fat People TV is being made for couch potatoes, by couch potatoes. “
Much like I feel about the people who choose and buy clothes for stores, we do need to be out there representing ourselves, but really, Fat People TV? Couch potatoes? Way to then perpetuate a nasty stereotype. When can we really remove the size labels and simply all be people together?
Yet, I can’t quite commit to the entire concept.
On a side note: I also loved the drama of host Emme suddenly and dramatically walking into the room during the “ring” ceremony to announce that there was only one ring left, and then promptly leaving the room. Totally campy and over the top, which is probably why I loved it. I am a girl who loves her camp moments.
Here’s the thing. The women that were not chosen to stay in the house to vie for the guy’s affections (i.e., ‘will you wear this promise ring?” which is really pretty weird, but whatever) were understandably hurt that they were not chosen. Rejection sucks every time. One woman (I imagine more?) had never been on a date and she was stunningly gorgeous with long dark hair and beautiful eyes. Many of them stated that this was their one chance at love and that they had big hearts that they wanted to share with someone special and that they were worried they would be alone forever. And while I believe with all my heart that one chance is NOT all we get at love and CERTAINLY NOT the chance you may get when you are on a reality TV show, it also reminded me that so many of our histories are filled with stories of heartbreak and of men who we have liked or loved who did not choose us. The hard part is that no matter the situation, when you are a large woman and a man you are interested in is not interested in you, size is the easiest scapegoat to pull out. My friends tell me that my size is not what keeps me from getting involved in a serious relationship, but when that has been held up as your “man mirror” for so many years, is it any wonder that we go there so quickly? I imagine many of us have felt the pain of being with someone who is critical of our size or worse, can’t love us because of his (or her) own hangups. We have been in bars or out with our smaller girlfriends who get all sorts of male attention while we sit silently and ignored. I can’t speak for everyone but I know the pain of falling in love with someone who ultimately won’t or can’t go there because he isn't attracted to me physically. And while I know that this has probably also happened to women like Cindy Crawford and Megan Fox, they have a leg up that quite honestly I’ve never felt like I’ve had when it comes to men.
That said, I love men in all forms and in all relationships. My dearest most intimate friends are men; I love being with them and seek out their company. But, how many men have I been “like a sister” to when I’ve felt more than that? How many men love me, but aren’t in love with me? How many men have shared their hopes and dreams and deepest darkest and also happiest, worlds with me, but still drool over every other woman that walks by, constantly reinforcing the fact that I am a great emotional fit, but not physical? I would be lying if I said that didn’t hurt sometimes.
I know that everyone has hangups and heartbreak and that it’s not dependent on size alone. I know that men feel and hurt and do the best they can. The heart and body wants what it wants for a variety of reasons. On my best days I know I’m gorgeous and unique and worthy just as I am and any man worth my time, attention and love is going to love me completely; mind, body and soul. On my worst days, and they are out there, I am quite sure that I will fall in love with yet another man who will not want to be with me because he is not attracted to me based on my size, or that I will be once again obsessed with losing weight in an effort to “get him to love me.” I hate that I even go there but I must be honest and admit that indeed, I do.
I will continue to watch “More to Love” with great curiosity. I haven’t decided yet whether I feel like it’s being put out there as a curiosity or as just a legitimate angle in the reality-date-television genre, but I see there is also a show coming out about a family of four people who each weigh over 300 pounds. It makes me wonder if reality TV is basically becoming the updated version of the circus freak show? No need to step right up, now you can just click the remote and watch the fat lady get her heart broken and and the little person build an addition on their house. Gasp.
My fear is the viewpoint similar to the one I read in a commentary by Joshua Alston through Newsweek:
“There will probably never come a time when obesity is portrayed with the same compassion as, say, lupus, or any other disease that can fall a person through no fault of his own. So maybe it’s unrealistic to dream of overweight characters routinely included in scripted television shows and occasionally seen pulling a bag of Wheat Thins out of the vending machine.”
Seriously, did he just compare being fat to Lupus? And seriously, do we still not see that large people are everywhere in this world and how come that does not translate to television? Where are we? Not just the funny best friend but the romantic partner. The lawyer (where is Camryn Manheim when we need her?), the doctor, the bus driver. We are everywhere and why is it newsworthy that we only want what everyone else does? Life, love, happiness and some fabulous shoes!
In closing he stated:
“At the very least, the networks should make sure chunky people are producing these shows, because that’s certainly not the impression I get from watching them. As someone best described as “cute in the face, thick in the waist,” I would feel more comfortable knowing my Fat People TV is being made for couch potatoes, by couch potatoes. “
Much like I feel about the people who choose and buy clothes for stores, we do need to be out there representing ourselves, but really, Fat People TV? Couch potatoes? Way to then perpetuate a nasty stereotype. When can we really remove the size labels and simply all be people together?
Friday, July 24, 2009
Unashamed Plug for Sympathy!
A quick note to apologize for not having posted this week. I've been terribly sick and am slllooowwwlllyyy on the mend. I promise to be back next week with a slew of fun, and a few more serious, posts! Have a great weekend and I'll leave you with the knowledge that I doing my best to enjoy the results of my terribly sore throat and wracking coughs...a husky, sexy voice!
See you next week.
See you next week.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Loving Lee Lee's Valise!
This is going to be a shameless plug for a store I've never even visited or even shopped in. Yet! Lee Lee's Valise is located in Brooklyn and specializes in sizes 10 to 28 and not only that - offers stylish and trend-conscious items for women who appreciate having the same looks as their smaller sisters. With it's brick walls and polished wood floors, it has the funky look of an exclusive boutique that women of (ahem) smaller sizes would frequent and for that I am swooning. I'm going to NYC in August and Lee Lee's Valise is the first stop I'm making!
One of my biggest problems with retailers and plus size clothing is that they give us "specialized" clothing which usually means dowdy and boring. And it's better than it's ever been, but there is still so much more advancement that is needed. Now, I realize that an elderly woman who wears a size 24 probably doesn't want some boot cut jeans by Svoboda...or you know what? Maybe she does! I will want that option at the very least! I'll be in my Lark scooter wearing some sassy jeans and a cute top and lusting after all the young boys just like I do know (only now I'm without the scooter!)
When I am old, I shall wear purple, as long as it's something by Beth Dittos new line for Evans..which is not surprising coming from a woman who wants to be cremated and instead of an urn, have her ashes placed in a really incredible handbag. I'll probably break a hip eventually, so dammit I might as well be wearing something smashing and dancing when it happens!
On a side note, I remember going with my mother and my grandmother to the clothing store that was their only option at the time (1970's) and it was called the House of Large Sizes. Was this a nation-wide chain? Does anyone else remember these stores? First of all - can you believe that name?! Aside from the fact that it does make a really great band name, it's too over the top and of course, insulting. I remember round racks of polyester pants with elastic waist bands and ugly smock tops and sales clerks who chomped gum and wore what amounted to a nurses uniform. And in retrospect I want to say - where were the designers of that era? Where was Liz Claiborne, who had just invented separates for working women; where was Anne Klein and that damn lion's head logo? Where was Halston with his gorgeous jersey knits? How lovely and easy those designs would have been to translate to larger sizes. Bianca and Liza and Liz were not the only ones who wanted to look hot while they were out at the disco, and besides, Liz's weight was always fluctuating anyways, I'm sure Halston could've just whipped her up a dress or two. By the way, the Halston numbers pictured below are amazing..very Rachel Pally. Classic design lives on!
Lee Lee's Valise's website has a great comment about how they hope to avoid the condescending attitude that permeates most of the boutiques in the neighborhood who really sneer at anyone bigger than a size 8.
Imagine that if you will. After my rant today, I might have to just move into a fitting room.
My current fashion obsession is dresses. I am living in them and so, have pictured a few of my current faves from the Lee Lee's website (you can order on-line!) Enjoy - and I'll follow up after I've been there in August!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Concealed/Revealed..and Laughter Yoga!
"I was trying pants on and the sales clerk told me I should try wearing thong underwear so I wouldn't have a panty line. I told her I relied on my panty line so I could tell where my thighs end and my butt begins."
-Jodie Maruska
I did a humorous talk yesterday afternoon on the topic of body acceptance. I was part of a larger event that took place around an art exhibit titled "concealed/revealed", featuring these stunning life-size charcol drawings that explore the complex structure of the human body (clink on link below and drawing above.)
The artist, Emily Isenberg states that “The body is the source of our deepest pleasures and traumas. By revealing the concealed anatomy beneath the clothing and skin, exposing the complex layers of our bodies, bone, muscle, organs, veins, and spirit, we come to realize that we are the same underneath. Yet our stories and experiences, similarly complex, are still hidden.”
Her words and the drawings really resonated with me, and fortunately, I got to be a part of this exhibit and the event of yesterday as I shared my experience in a humorous talk that not only illustrated what I do to accept my size and shape, but how I got to this point in my life. I love what the artist said about all of us being the same, yet being shaped by our stories and experiences. How true is that? I told the story of father seeing me do stand up comedy in front of thousands of people. I rocked the stage that night; the audience loved me. But upon seeing me, my dad's first comment was "you looked a little heavy up there." How is that for a light bulb moment? It was definitely a growth moment for me as I finally got that my body, my size, was none of his business. And that if that's all he could see, that is was his problem and really, how sad for him. And that is one of the the messages I hope I provided my audience yesterday...and that I hope to continue presenting in this blog.
Dad and I have a good relationship by the way, but we do NOT talk about food, diets, exercise, weight, women's bodies...it is totally off-limits, but I am the one that had to set that boundary with him. And surprisingly, I did it without hurting him, and that's always a good thing!
My point is - no one has a right to tell you what to do with your body and to judge it in any way. And you have the complete right to tell anyone who does so to...well, not do it any more! What's the phrase I think I heard once? Your opinion of me is none of my business! I love that.
My talk was followed by laughter yoga, which was a blast and which I recommend to anyone looking for a new way to de-stress and to simply have some fun! No downward facing dogs required, but you still feel the workout while you laugh and build up body heat. I think it'd be great if you have limited mobility and if you have difficulty moving in certain ways pertaining to other yoga styles..and the fun thing is, you get to laugh uproariously the whole time! A unique and fun workout and a really incredible afternoon.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Continuing Thursday's Gratitude Theme...
Friday. And I'm feeling a bit uninspired but also glad the weekend is here. It's been an insane week and I have an insane weekend ahead of me. I am a stand up comic and have two shows and am also doing a talk on body acceptance on Sunday. Perhaps in between I'll get some laundry done or perhaps hang out with a friend.
Since I was so inspired from yesterday's post on thankfulness, that is what I'm doing today. I hope you don't consider it a cop-out for copying such a great idea, but it reminded me of how so often I get caught up in the craziness of of living and forget to stop and be grateful and just "be"!
I wish everyone a good weekend of gratitude, peace and love!
1. I'm grateful too that I don't have someone shaming me into losing weight. Shame on AskMen.com for such an insensitive post. In fact, just the opposite, I'm grateful that I have people in my life who love and support me unconditionally and wouldn't dream of treating me in such a disrespectful manner.
2. I'm grateful to have this blog and to be gaining a readership. I love being apart of this community and the people who are out here are smart, funny and sassy. Thank you for being there!
3. I'm grateful to my friends who are truly my family of choice. I am blessed with some incredible people in my life and I love them truly and am loved in return. What could be better?
4. I'm grateful to my family too - to my funny and silly niece Rylee, who at 5 years of age, is more wise than all of us! My nephews, Tyler and Jake who have made me a hockey fan and who never fail to make me laugh. My brother Paul who is recovering from knee surgery, and his wife Traci. My parents and my sister Karla. We're a weird bunch sometimes, but I can't imagine them not being there! (Photo above is mom, dad, brother, nephews..and the great and powerful puppy, Jasmine!)
5. I'm grateful to have some comedy to do this weekend. Sometimes it's great..sometimes it's not so great..but it's always something I have to do. It's one more way that as a fat woman, I can be out there and have a voice and be heard.
6. I'm grateful to be able to sleep late tomorrow. Oh..sweet dreams to me..and to everyone this weekend!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Sexy Secretary....Meow!
I am totally crushing on this animal print pencil skirt from Liz Claiborne. It’s very “kitten with a whip" and I see it with a black v-neck sweater or blouse and paired with some chunky jewelry. On the bottom, pointy toed, classic pumps or a pair of knee high boots.
Someone help me....I’m starting to get “Fall Fashion Itch!"
Blouse: Gayla Bentley
Boots: Newport News on Style.com
Bejewel my Heart!
If diamonds are a girl’s best friend, then jewelry in general is also our best gay friend, our lover, and our stylist all in one!Jewelry can make or break your look and it does not have to cost a fortune to be stylish and smashing. Even though our clothing options are growing all of the time, some of us still may be facing an unappealing selection of boring, dowdy “women’s sizes” and if this is the case, jewelry is where you can go wild and give your look some great personality.
Jewelry is the treat you give yourself when you’re feeling a little blue and remember that stunning simple ring in the store window that will look oh-so-lovely on your well-manicured hand. Jewelry is the celebratory present you give yourself when you get that promotion you have been coveting. Jewelry is the ultimate intimate and symbolic gift in the form of the engagement ring you share with a most precious loved one.
My recommendation? Play with your jewelry. Have fun with it. Every time you pick up a blouse or dress (or bra..what the hell?!) at Lane Bryant or Lee Lee’s Valise, pick up a great necklace or some fun earrings as well. Your outfit is not done until you have a great piece of jewelry with which to pair it. However, just like I never buy “matching” tops/bottoms or outfits, I would pay the same attention to jewelry. Earrings that match the necklace that match the bracelet are just as boring as not wearing anything. The “Geranimals” approach should be avoided at all costs!
Ultimately, plan to invest in one or two signature pieces that you love and will wear with just about everything. Think about making an impact and lasting statement. Look at Coco Chanel’s pearls or Liz Taylor’s massive diamonds. Even fictional characters have memorable looks, i.e., Carrie Bradshaw’s over sized flower pins. She started a craze that crazy girl! My point is that those accessories not only made their looks their own – these people are known and remembered for those looks. You, my dear, can do the same thing.
My thoughts are to skip the department stores and head over to cool boutiques that feature artisan jewelry or handmade pieces by local designers. You are assured to get a one-of-a kind piece that lets you really show who you are with smashing style. My favorite necklace is a cravat style piece that features three polished stones on the end of wires that criss-cross to form the necklace in the front. It’s architectural, simple, and it never fails to get compliments, and those are NEVER a bad thing!
So, here are some of the favorites I have found on-line recently. I'm especially lusting over the Flutter line, and some of the pieces that Liz Claiborne is doing with their new designs, thank you Isaac Mizrahi! Speaking of designers who just love women in general - Isaac is a lover of women of all sizes and my shameless plug is to check out the website and the clothes!
Credit in order:
Liz Claiborne Necklace
Marc by Marc Jacobs Owl Drop Earrings
Flutter (I don't know if it's a ring, a bracelet or a necklace..but I love it!)
Matthew Campbell Laurenza Sapphire and Pearl Necklace
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