Against my better judgement, I think I'm addicted. "More to Love” is now airing and damn if I didn’t watch it last week and immediately get hooked. The man is adorable, the women are beautiful, and the emotions seem to be real. I can totally relate to and understand what’s being put out there by those women, who are there because they are large because that is the angle of this show.
Yet, I can’t quite commit to the entire concept.
On a side note: I also loved the drama of host Emme suddenly and dramatically walking into the room during the “ring” ceremony to announce that there was only one ring left, and then promptly leaving the room. Totally campy and over the top, which is probably why I loved it. I am a girl who loves her camp moments.
Here’s the thing. The women that were not chosen to stay in the house to vie for the guy’s affections (i.e., ‘will you wear this promise ring?” which is really pretty weird, but whatever) were understandably hurt that they were not chosen. Rejection sucks every time. One woman (I imagine more?) had never been on a date and she was stunningly gorgeous with long dark hair and beautiful eyes. Many of them stated that this was their one chance at love and that they had big hearts that they wanted to share with someone special and that they were worried they would be alone forever. And while I believe with all my heart that one chance is NOT all we get at love and CERTAINLY NOT the chance you may get when you are on a reality TV show, it also reminded me that so many of our histories are filled with stories of heartbreak and of men who we have liked or loved who did not choose us. The hard part is that no matter the situation, when you are a large woman and a man you are interested in is not interested in you, size is the easiest scapegoat to pull out. My friends tell me that my size is not what keeps me from getting involved in a serious relationship, but when that has been held up as your “man mirror” for so many years, is it any wonder that we go there so quickly? I imagine many of us have felt the pain of being with someone who is critical of our size or worse, can’t love us because of his (or her) own hangups. We have been in bars or out with our smaller girlfriends who get all sorts of male attention while we sit silently and ignored. I can’t speak for everyone but I know the pain of falling in love with someone who ultimately won’t or can’t go there because he isn't attracted to me physically. And while I know that this has probably also happened to women like Cindy Crawford and Megan Fox, they have a leg up that quite honestly I’ve never felt like I’ve had when it comes to men.
That said, I love men in all forms and in all relationships. My dearest most intimate friends are men; I love being with them and seek out their company. But, how many men have I been “like a sister” to when I’ve felt more than that? How many men love me, but aren’t in love with me? How many men have shared their hopes and dreams and deepest darkest and also happiest, worlds with me, but still drool over every other woman that walks by, constantly reinforcing the fact that I am a great emotional fit, but not physical? I would be lying if I said that didn’t hurt sometimes.
I know that everyone has hangups and heartbreak and that it’s not dependent on size alone. I know that men feel and hurt and do the best they can. The heart and body wants what it wants for a variety of reasons. On my best days I know I’m gorgeous and unique and worthy just as I am and any man worth my time, attention and love is going to love me completely; mind, body and soul. On my worst days, and they are out there, I am quite sure that I will fall in love with yet another man who will not want to be with me because he is not attracted to me based on my size, or that I will be once again obsessed with losing weight in an effort to “get him to love me.” I hate that I even go there but I must be honest and admit that indeed, I do.
I will continue to watch “More to Love” with great curiosity. I haven’t decided yet whether I feel like it’s being put out there as a curiosity or as just a legitimate angle in the reality-date-television genre, but I see there is also a show coming out about a family of four people who each weigh over 300 pounds. It makes me wonder if reality TV is basically becoming the updated version of the circus freak show? No need to step right up, now you can just click the remote and watch the fat lady get her heart broken and and the little person build an addition on their house. Gasp.
My fear is the viewpoint similar to the one I read in a commentary by Joshua Alston through Newsweek:
“There will probably never come a time when obesity is portrayed with the same compassion as, say, lupus, or any other disease that can fall a person through no fault of his own. So maybe it’s unrealistic to dream of overweight characters routinely included in scripted television shows and occasionally seen pulling a bag of Wheat Thins out of the vending machine.”
Seriously, did he just compare being fat to Lupus? And seriously, do we still not see that large people are everywhere in this world and how come that does not translate to television? Where are we? Not just the funny best friend but the romantic partner. The lawyer (where is Camryn Manheim when we need her?), the doctor, the bus driver. We are everywhere and why is it newsworthy that we only want what everyone else does? Life, love, happiness and some fabulous shoes!
In closing he stated:
“At the very least, the networks should make sure chunky people are producing these shows, because that’s certainly not the impression I get from watching them. As someone best described as “cute in the face, thick in the waist,” I would feel more comfortable knowing my Fat People TV is being made for couch potatoes, by couch potatoes. “
Much like I feel about the people who choose and buy clothes for stores, we do need to be out there representing ourselves, but really, Fat People TV? Couch potatoes? Way to then perpetuate a nasty stereotype. When can we really remove the size labels and simply all be people together?
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