Rant and Roll

This is a big, non-fashion rant. And roll. Can I just say that I'm totally enamored of my "Rant and roll" title. I can almost hear my mom saying "That's so darn clever. I just don't know how you come up with those things."

Anyways. This is a rant, which is how I'm feeling lately. Like I MUST let off steam - something! I am a woman who truly believes that each of us has the power to determine our own path; we make our own reality. Not to quote the cliche, but I am a big, beautiful woman and I believe that at all times. But you know - as much as I talk about it and really do believe it, I still have times where I fall into the mindset of "if only I would lose weight..." In other words, I have lately found myself not really living up to my own belief. And I hate falling into that trap. Make no mistake, it is a trap and it keeps us prisoner and robs us of the ability to live life fully with joy and love and beauty.

So here's what happened and what I realized. Last week I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. Now, I just thought that I was pre-menopausal with irregular periods and some new physical discomforts. Not really fun, but bearable. It brought me to the OB-GYN and some tests. Now - the hypothyroidism diagnosis completely surprised me and honestly, I went in fully expecting to be told I was diabetic because of my weight. Lo and behold, my blood sugar is completely normal. As is my cholesterol, blood pressure, etc. Frankly, I've had a few weeks of feeling not so good in my body and I am shocked to find that it's probably due to the hypothyroidism and a metabolism that is operating below what it should be.

Is this a reason for me to live in ways that are unhealthy and do not honor my body? No - but I have been doing that. I have sort of "let myself go" so to speak. This is in mind, body AND soul. I really deadened myself this winter. Part of it was that I felt like I could barely function at times and I kept thinking "if Ilost weight I'd feel better about everything..." and of course, that's so untrue. I let my worth come from places outside myself and that's always dangerous and distorted. I let myself believe that I was not worthy of dressing well and feeling great every single day and that just makes me sad because I have such a passion for clothing and how we present ourselves to the world. My presentation has been lacking.

So, spring is stirring and with it, I'm feeling really hopeful and warm. I feel the cobwebs loosening and I feel my desire to live fully stirring and deciding to move on and get going. Life is short and I don't want to miss any of it! So I move on, imperfect yet whole at any size and shape. I will do the best I can and trust that I am lovely and perfect just as I am. And I refuse to take any more crap from the outside. I am here dammit and I deserve the best there is.