If Oprah Ain't Happy..Ain't Nobody Happy!

If you are a child of the 70's like I am, you probably loved the television show "One Day at a Time". I especially related to Valerie Bertinelli's character, Barbara Cooper. Barbara was the the cute, sassy younger sister who looked like I did in terms of clothes, hair and body size. She was the "normal girl" that you no longer see on television shows as everyone has been dieted into oblivion or airbrushed into smooth perfection. And all of the weight loss attention Valerie Bertinelli has received lately has made me reflect and realize that while I could relate to Barbara Cooper, there is no one on television that represents me today. Even Oprah, one of the most powerful women in the media industry, if not the world, still berates and chastises herself about her weight in ways that makes me wonder "if Oprah can't be happy because of her weight, what chance is there for any of us?"

Oprah is still one of the lucky ones. Careers die when actresses gain weight and lose favor with studios and the public. But now, this has spawned a whole new profession. Valerie Bertinelli has made a comeback of sorts based on the fact that she lost weight. "Bikini Body at 48" screams the People headline. It's probably the most press she's had in years. And of course she looks fantastic, but she has fallen into the trend of losing weight as a career option. If you are a middle-aged actress who has put some weight on as you age; if you are photographed looking like the dreaded "real person", schlepping through an airport in baggy jeans or standing on a remote beach somewhere in a bathing suit with a stomach protruding, dimpled thighs or god forbid, a fat ass, weight loss can now be your ticket to a paycheck. I thought that Kirstie Alley was the first to find this neat little trick - also losing weight and appearing on Oprah in a bikini. But when you think back to older Hollywood, Judy Garland was put on pills to lose weight (which ultimately led to her demise) and Liz Taylor was renowned for her ability to gain and lose repeatedly - appearing in caftans in Washington D.C. when heavier, and playing total screen siren as Cleopatra when at her slimmest. She was as known for her "fat phases" as Richard Burton was for his womanizing.

At one time it was a career move to head to rehab now it's all about joining Jenny Craig or Nutrisystem.

I just saw a Jenny Craig ad featuring Phylicia Rashād (best known as Claire Huxtable on "The Cosby Show") who seems to be the latest celeb to fall into this trap. Apparently it's not enough to be an Emmy and Tony-award winning actress. It seems we are not worthy as women or human beings until we feel able to parade around a stage or on a magazine cover in a bikini. Is it wrong that I feel a little let down by Valerie and Phylicia, while at the same time knowing that all women have the right to decide for themselves what feels good for their own bodies? But that's part of my point - their bodies, i.e., our bodies, are not our own when we give so much power to the media and everyone around us who has decided that we are flawed and imperfect and if only we lost 10-20-30 pounds, we'd be valid and current.

Not to beat my feminist drum, but what the hell? I am struck by the lack of men who are expected to maintain the same standards. Is anyone putting John Goodman on a diet and then posing him in a Speedo on the cover of GQ? How about Seth Rogan? I adore Seth Rogan; I think he's hilarious. But while he has been starring in movies, and appearing on the covers of magazines and hosting SNL, where are his fat female equivalents? We would never have seen "Knocked Up" if the dumpy guy/hot girl situation had been reversed. What if the male lead had been played by some hot young actor like Jake Gyllenhaal, and the female love interest played by someone like actress Melissa McCarthy? Even Jack Black got Gwyneth Paltrow in "Shallow Hal" and do not even get me started on the skinny actresses who wear "fat suits" as opposed to actually giving a role to a larger actress. Would the brilliant Tina Fey be so revered and have so many opportunities if she weighed 250 pounds?

Valerie Bertinelli of the 70's no longer exists of course, but would she have been the teen queen she was then, in today's world? Not if she had looked the same in her body. Because today the gossip girls and the Lauren Conrads and Vanessa Hudgins survive on coffee, clubbing and Jimmy Choos. It's better to be drugged up, drunk, stumbling out of clubs like Lindsay Lohan, than to be fat. Look at how Jessica Simpson was thrown to the media wolves for putting on a few pounds - and then compare that to how Lindsay Lohan is discussed through rehab after rehab...drunken club night after drunken club night - and tell me there is not some horrible imbalance and cruelty.

Every woman needs to decide what to do with their body. We each get to decide what to eat, how to move, what feels good, what doesn't feel good. All I ask is that I open a magazine and for once not have the features to be about losing weight (followed by a cake recipe). I'd love to see Phylicia Rashad being lauded for her acting talent and beauty at whatever size she happens to be. I'd love to see Valerie Bertinelli on the cover of people bikini or no bikini...weight loss or no weight loss. Finally, I'd love to see Oprah go on the air and announce "I'm finally happy with this body just as it is. It takes me around the world. It takes me onto your television and your radios. It publishes a magazine, it acts and produces movies and television shows. It creates broadway musicals. It loves, it lives, it laughs, it cries, it dances, it walks my beloved dogs, it holds Stedman, it eats, it sleeps, and it's perfect just as it is."